Ladies and Gentlemen, (and all other variants of same):

Melodifestivalen 2009 is finally here!

Well, that might not be strictly true, (we haven’t had any actually shows yet), but the excitement and build-up to the first performances has begun apace. Today, Swedish television, (SVT), released the first performer names of the entries for the 2009 outing. We have already had the song titles, the authors, the ‘roadshow’ locations, and the beg-steal-or-borrow scramble for tickets to the final in Globen on March 14th, but this is what we were waiting for…and I am pleased to say I’m not disappointed in the least.

(it's not a microphone I'd be holding in such close proximity, I can tell you...)

From the list of song writers, it was quite obvious who some of the performers were going to be. So little surprise that personal favourite Måns Zelmerlöw will be popping up again next year, (with the song, ‘Hope and Glory’, self-penned along with writing partners Fredrik Kempe - of Hero fame - and Henrik Wikström). Måns effortlessly manages to encompass perfection in the male form, (his only defect being that he is heterosexual), and manages to win the hearts of everyone. If ‘Hope and Glory’ is anywhere near as great as his 2007 attempt, ‘Cara Mia’, then he’s onto a good thing, a very good thing indeed. While we’re on the subject of ‘Cara Mia’, have any of you got around to hearing the cover version performed by South African starlet, Patricia Lewis? Good old Patsy has churned out an album of almost entirely MF/Eurovision covers, called ‘Net Soos in Drome’, (I suspect there’s something to do with dreams in that there title, but I am not fluent in Afrikaans, I am afraid). Highlights include the classic Måns track, along with ‘Hero’ and ‘Empty Room’ from MF2008, and an Afrikaans version of ‘Live Forever’, (Magnus Carlsson’s entry from 2007). They’re all quite pleasant listening, but Patricia is vocally not as strong as any of the original performers, (and is clearly not as fortunate on the mastering front), so well worth a try.

Also popping up again is the robust Sarah Dawn Finer, who we last saw in 2007 with ‘I Remember Love’. This girl has a good set of lungs on her and another of her tracks, ‘Stockholm by Morning’, is a favourite of mine, (not her entry for next year, I hasten to add!) I envisage that 'Moving On' will be more of the same ballady-belter style we have come to expect from Ms Finer. SVT should be placing their order for dry ice right now, for I suspect there will be lots of billowing smoke and candelabras surrounding this number. And a long flowing dress. And a good bra.

BWO are hardy souls, aren’t they? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! I have to say, while I find their tunes pleasant, they aren’t my favourites. What they do well, is putting on a show, and that appears to be half the battle these days. So expect more budget-busting fireworks for 2009 when their track 'You're Not Alone' pops up. I just hope that should they be victorious at Globen in March, it will be on the strength of the song and/or performance and not just because the Swedish population feel that they should get through this time around.

Alcazar have had a couple of line-up changes over the years, and they’re back for 2009 with their entry, 'Stay The Night', (haven't we had that one before at some point?!). Their recent stuff hasn’t exactly been electrifying, (they’re missing the Magnus factor!), and I’ve found it all a tad samey, to be honest. But maybe this trio will be providing us with the energetic dancing and frolicking that felt a bit lacking from last years’ efforts.

Caroline af Ugglas hasn't managed to find a cosmetic surgeon since 2007, you will be disappointed to know. Her dentistry hasn't improved either. But she's back nonetheless, so I am sure it'll be more ramblings in the style of a drunken harpy when she stumbles back onto the MF stage.

Those are the highlights, but also appearing will be Emilia, who will be a MF debutant in 2009 but isn't wholly unfamiliar...you might remember her track, 'Big Big World' from the 90s. Lasse Lindh popped up last year but failed to set the MF world alight. Jennifer Brown is a new face for us all, but not having a pedigree to speak of isn't necessarily a bad thing...

So, friends, what do we think?

Well the 2009 season has well and truly begun! Good old Bulgaria obviously has very little to do with itself over the winter, and so they have started their quest to find their ditty (or dirge) for Moscow already. I’m not even remotely interested at this stage, to be honest; although the quality of the entries might well be outstanding, I have a sneaky suspicion they won’t rival anything to be found in Melodifestivalen and Bulgaria is one of those countries whose entry is generally only remotely interesting once it’s been decided.

This weekend marks an important occasion in the UK-resident Eurovision fan’s year. It’s the annual Eurobash, in Birmingham! Members of OGAE are descending on Jury’s Inn to feast on Eurovision hits of days gone by, insanity-induced ‘tribute’ acts, (mine included!), and ‘star guests’ of dubious quality. This year, we have such starlets as the girl from Jemini, (I think she was called Jemma…possibly), Nicki French, (who I think is always dragged out – or up – for this event, gawd bless ‘er), and even the bloke who wrote ‘All Kinds of Everything’ for Dana, (the original parochial version, distinctly not Ms. International). As you may know, Eurovisionary is doing Charlotte Perrelli at the event, (not literally…ugh, the very thought!), and I’m currently sat on a Birmingham-bound train with two cases full of accoutrements associated with the forthcoming transformation, including wig, dress, oversized silvery microphone, copious amounts of make-up and sparkly things, plus of course, the frighteningly high heels. It’s all rather daunting. I am first up, in a line-up of ten acts. I don’t have a clue who, or what, any of the other acts are going to be, but suspect there might well be an Ani Lorak hidden in there somewhere, (yup, heels and obscenely short dresses at dawn), as well as an Andy Abraham, (and quite possibly a Sonia or two…she is always a good bet, even some fifteen years after the event). Nicki French is hosting this particular part of the Eurobash, so I am told. It’s going to take me absolutely ages to prepare, so even though I have been given permission to grab my evening meal first, (at 6pm), there’s no way I’d be ready for a 7.20pm start unless some preparatory work is done beforehand…

I will, of course, let you all know the outcome. I am quite sure I’ll fail miserably and will not even feature in the top three, but it’s the takng part that counts, isn’t it?

The other week, I went along to the special outing of Eurobeat, the show that is currently enjoying a popular run in London’s West End and based on the Eurovision Song Contest. We’re not allowed to call it a ‘musical’ apparently, as since there is no live music played, the Musician’s Union is not happy with that definition. The show has been doing the rounds for a while now, playing in Edinburgh at the festival up there, down under in Australia, and on a regional UK tour, but this is its first London gig. It is a jolly good night out for everyone, fan of the original event or not, but I do suggest going on to the website, (www.eurobeatthemusical.com), and becoming a ‘member’, (no payment required, just a few of your details), to enable you to download the mp3 files of the ‘entries’ beforehand. This will let you get to know them a bit better and should make the whole experience a lot more fun. They do sell the CD at the theatre, but it seems a bit daft to buy it when you can get the mp3s entirely free and more importantly, legally.

Right, just pulled in to Oxford and the train is filling up with intelligent, intense-looking studently types going home to see their families for the weekend armed with lots of oversized luggage, so probably best to sign off now.

Mmm, tasty.
Yes, it's a totally gratuitous shot of Mr. Sakis Rouvas, AKA Mr. is-he-isn't-he-that-way-inclined?, (a title formerly held by a certain Johnny Logan, until everyone realised - at long last - that because Mr. Logan wasn't in the least bit attractive, we actually didn't care either way). As you probably know by now, ERT have announced already that our pal Sakis will be the Greek entrant for next year's Eurovision Song Contest over in Moscow, (that, too, has been confirmed by the way - by none other than Mr. Vladimir Putin, I believe, - though I thought we'd got rid of him and he'd been replaced by a look-, sound- and act-a-like? But I digress:). Good news, indeed, for those of us who have a penchant for shaking hips, perfect physiques and flattering, if not a little tight, tailoring which reveals an expanse of toned, tanned chest and emphasises some parts we've not yet been privvy to. I'm all for supporting Sakis from the off, whatever the song is like, and not just because I find him mildly attractive. The ESC in Athens back in 2006 was great, and it's a much cheaper city than Moscow is going to be, easier to get to, and with a wealth of affordable accommodation options. So Athens 2010 is a very attractive prospect indeed.

I'm in Bangkok, by the way, right now. It's hideously humid outside, so I'm keeping indoors for the most part. You'll be pleased to know that the new outfit is currently hanging up in my wardrobe. I'm not revealing too much, (though might do so accidentally when I put it on...ooh!); suffice to say, it needs a bit of TLC as there are sequins-a-plenty to contend with. One of the things I love about this place is that you can get your hands on everything and anything, and nobody bats and eyelid should your request be somewhat out of the ordinary. So yesterday saw me in a cramped, (but thankfully air-conditioned), indoor market trying on womens' shoes, (and specifically, those with a heel height which is nothing short of dangerous), and nobody seemed in the least surprised, shocked or even curious. Live and let live. No, the shoe thing isn't a fetish, but as you can get hold of some extraordinarily large-sized extraordinary examples of footwear here, (made predominantly for the Ladyboy market, I assume...unless the general female Thai population is big-footed?), I thought they might just come in handy at some point.

For those of you who may be interested, I came across a great blog the other day. www.swepop.blogspot.com is a veritable treasure trove for anything and everything to do with Swedish schlager, pop and dance, so it's right up my street. Lots to download and enjoy, including a fantastic new track from I-was-robbed-in-Gothenburg Velvet, ('Take My Body Close'). Go and take a gander, and enjoy.

Suggestions in an email, please....

Very remiss of me. I've just realised it has been nearly two months since my last post. Very poor show, slapped wrist, and profuse apologies. I suppose I was taking a minibreak from all things Eurovisionary, having indulged a lot between February and May. Even the most die-hard of fans need to recharge their batteries from time to time, after all...

I am so relieved today, having just successfully passed my annual check. This check - known (not so) fondly as SEP, (Safety and Emergency Procedures) - incorporates all the bits about my job which are difficult, messy or just not very nice to think about, (evacuations, ditchings, fires, births, deaths, vomit..all that kind of thing). Every year, we're subjected to an intensive refresher course, two days in duration, which brings us back up to speed with the not-so-frilly bits. Everyone dreads it. You know it's due, and as each roster pops out, you pray to the dear Lord, 'next month', or perhaps they've overlooked you, but then it appears, two days of sheer hell back in the training centre. We spend a day covering Avmed, (avaition medicine), and another day concentrating on the safety and emergency side of things. Today, for instance, I fought a fire in both an overhead locker and an aircraft oven, restrained a disruptive passenger, evacuated three types of longhaul aircraft, and had to feign collapse, leaving my crew in a bit of a pickle, just to test their abilities. Not pleasant. Anyway, it's over with for yet another year, and I can start gewtting excited about my next trip!

As some of you may know, Bangkok has proved very fruitful for me. I have managed to knock together my past two years' Eurovision outfits there, (grateful thanks to Tuk and her motley crew of unerpaid, overworked slaves). Both the Scooch and the Sweden suits were made there, along with the infamous MF flags from this years' final. So this trip seems an opportune moment to create something else. Now trips like these are something of a rarity, (for me, anyway....I usually have to request them), so to have one rostered is a treat indeed. There is also word on the grapevine that they might not be continuing for much longer, so I need to take advantage while I can.

Anyway, the next Eurovision outing in the diary is the 2008 Eurobash, due to take place in Birmingham in October, and organised by OGAE UK. This will be my first attendance, but I think by then I'll be in dire need of a Euro 'jab' to sustain me until the next round of national finals start, so I'm going along this year. Now for those of you who don't know, the day features a 'Stars in their Eurovision Eyes' segment, where aspiring look/sound-a-likes don an appropriate outfit and warble away, in a desperate attempt to look and sound like Ani Lorak, (or whoever), and garner the appreciation of the crowd. Now this is an opportunity I simply cannot resist! But the thing is: who to go as? I am mulling over numerous options. I am happy to 'drag up', (why are all the best songs sung by the girls? So unfair!), and if I go down that route, it will be a performance of substantial tongue-in-cheekedness, (unless I do a Vania Fernandes - her of the creepy eyes and tent frock - who is something of a hefty girl and whose vocal range is decidedly masculine anyway). Our pal Charlotte is a serious contender, (I know I don't have the legs, but that's not the point), as is DQ from last year. So, friends, any suggestions?

Ooh, and another thing...

Forgot to give you the link to my star turn on SVT! Here it is. Apparently it was shown jut before the contest last night - I thought they were only putting it on the website! Hilarious!

http://svt.se/svt/play/video.jsp?a=1154134

On reflection...

I'm glad I didn't write anything last night, as what I would have written would have been full of vitriol and most probably would have guaranteed that I wouldn't be getting a visa for Russia for the slog out to Moscow in 2009, (imagine, Eurotastic a threat to national security!) So now, after a good sleep and a good bitch, I feel a little more composed and hopefully less judgemental about the results of the 53rd Eurovision Song Contest.

Of course I am disappointed. But if I am honest, I suppose deep down I knew the likelihood of Charlotte winning was remote - I had full confidence in both her song and performance, (which was simply fantastic, by the way), but significantly less confidence in the voting of my fellow Europeans. There are many reasons why what happens, happens, once the scoreboard is rolled out. http://esctoday.com/news/read/12003 has some great analyses for those of you who are interested, (someone's a real number-cruncher there!) Most interesting is the breakdown into 'western' and 'eastern' voting, which reveals that Greece was the winner according to the 'west'. But it isn't as partisan as you might expect, with the likes of Norway doing well in both sets of results. So you can't say the 'eastern Europeans' only go for songs from their region, (though that is generally the case). I do think there was some surprise, to a certain extent, at Russia's victory, (it was a favourite, but then there were many favourites), but the success lay in the performer, and his iconic status, more than in the song, (or even in the performance - show - which they laid on, elaborate though it was). Dima Bilan is a huge star in his native Russia, in many states which were formerly part of the USSR, in many countries which 'feed off' Russia and its culture, so even with a song which was mediocre at best, (his last attmept was significantly better), his status will have garnered massive support. There is no such equivalent in the western side of Europe, I suppose; no one singer who would win unanimous support in the same way.

I am disappointed, too, that the concept of the two semi-finals was only partially successful. Yes, it did ensure that western Europe was well-represented in the final. However, it did nothing to address the issue of block voting, and this is something which the EBU needs to look at now. I can understand that by taking part at all, each country should be entitled to vote and pass judgement, even if they have been disqualified themselves. But I think the only way to make it fair is to prevent those countries who do not qualify at the semi-final stage from voting in the final. I know that sounds a little harsh - they are penalised twice, in effect, for sending a song which Europe rejects, (for whatever reason) - but equally, if you're not in the competition, (and the final is to all intents and purposes, a separate competition), then why should you influence its outcome?

I realise now that my approach to supporting the Eurovision Song Contest has to change. I generally love the music, I love the performances, I like seeing some acts return. So now I have to see it as some kind of 'gig', albeit on a grand scale, which just happens to change its location each year. And all the rehearsals I attend, all the pre-Contest buzz, is leading up to that massive concert on the Saturday night. It gives me an opportunity to see and hear music I love, being performed live and in a great atmosphere. It sends me to places I often have never contemplated visiting, (Belgrade being one such place), and introduces me to like-minded people I might othwise never meet. But it is no longer a Contest, or a competition. The result is irrelevant now; I only need to know who won, so I know where I am booking my flights to next year...

Just hours away....

I have had quite a productive day, even though I decided not to go along to the third and final dress rehearsal of the final this afernoon. I was actually at the arena, but I felt earlier on today that a bit of R&R was called for so decided to stay in my hotel and catch up on a bit of sleep before tonight!

The reason I was at the arena at all was to meet Johanna Larsson, who is the project manager for the SVT Melodifestivalen website. Jo had contacted me about doing an interview and of course I was happy to oblige. I think the angle she was going for was 'a crazy British gay guy wearing a crazy Swedish suit', for it was most important that I had the outfit on when we met. Jo was most apologetic for the title of the emails she had sent me, which from what I can gather, loosely translated as 'a British (and maybe gay) guy supporting Sweden' , saying that basically everyone involved with MF and Eurovision was gay and it was a bit of a running gag at the SVT offices. Not a problem, but nice of her to mention it nonetheless.

So I had my photo taken a couple of times, and then her cameraman Andreas started filming while I answered a few questions. Jo seemed rather bemused by it all, and I was a little conscious of how fast I was speaking, not knowing if they would be translating any of my drivel or leaving it as it was. Anyway, I was told it should be up on the MF site in time for the final this evening, and was given 'the very last' of a Charlotte Perrelli Hero Press Kit, which made it very much worth the effort. Then lots of photos from more bemused Serbs before heading back and having a nap-ette.