Eurotastic

2008-11-18T11:19:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, (and all other variants of same):

Melodifestivalen 2009 is finally here!

Well, that might not be strictly true, (we haven’t had any actually shows yet), but the excitement and build-up to the first performances has begun apace. Today, Swedish television, (SVT), released the first performer names of the entries for the 2009 outing. We have already had the song titles, the authors, the ‘roadshow’ locations, and the beg-steal-or-borrow scramble for tickets to the final in Globen on March 14th, but this is what we were waiting for…and I am pleased to say I’m not disappointed in the least.

(it's not a microphone I'd be holding in such close proximity, I can tell you...)

From the list of song writers, it was quite obvious who some of the performers were going to be. So little surprise that personal favourite Måns Zelmerlöw will be popping up again next year, (with the song, ‘Hope and Glory’, self-penned along with writing partners Fredrik Kempe - of Hero fame - and Henrik Wikström). Måns effortlessly manages to encompass perfection in the male form, (his only defect being that he is heterosexual), and manages to win the hearts of everyone. If ‘Hope and Glory’ is anywhere near as great as his 2007 attempt, ‘Cara Mia’, then he’s onto a good thing, a very good thing indeed. While we’re on the subject of ‘Cara Mia’, have any of you got around to hearing the cover version performed by South African starlet, Patricia Lewis? Good old Patsy has churned out an album of almost entirely MF/Eurovision covers, called ‘Net Soos in Drome’, (I suspect there’s something to do with dreams in that there title, but I am not fluent in Afrikaans, I am afraid). Highlights include the classic Måns track, along with ‘Hero’ and ‘Empty Room’ from MF2008, and an Afrikaans version of ‘Live Forever’, (Magnus Carlsson’s entry from 2007). They’re all quite pleasant listening, but Patricia is vocally not as strong as any of the original performers, (and is clearly not as fortunate on the mastering front), so well worth a try.

Also popping up again is the robust Sarah Dawn Finer, who we last saw in 2007 with ‘I Remember Love’. This girl has a good set of lungs on her and another of her tracks, ‘Stockholm by Morning’, is a favourite of mine, (not her entry for next year, I hasten to add!) I envisage that 'Moving On' will be more of the same ballady-belter style we have come to expect from Ms Finer. SVT should be placing their order for dry ice right now, for I suspect there will be lots of billowing smoke and candelabras surrounding this number. And a long flowing dress. And a good bra.

BWO are hardy souls, aren’t they? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! I have to say, while I find their tunes pleasant, they aren’t my favourites. What they do well, is putting on a show, and that appears to be half the battle these days. So expect more budget-busting fireworks for 2009 when their track 'You're Not Alone' pops up. I just hope that should they be victorious at Globen in March, it will be on the strength of the song and/or performance and not just because the Swedish population feel that they should get through this time around.

Alcazar have had a couple of line-up changes over the years, and they’re back for 2009 with their entry, 'Stay The Night', (haven't we had that one before at some point?!). Their recent stuff hasn’t exactly been electrifying, (they’re missing the Magnus factor!), and I’ve found it all a tad samey, to be honest. But maybe this trio will be providing us with the energetic dancing and frolicking that felt a bit lacking from last years’ efforts.

Caroline af Ugglas hasn't managed to find a cosmetic surgeon since 2007, you will be disappointed to know. Her dentistry hasn't improved either. But she's back nonetheless, so I am sure it'll be more ramblings in the style of a drunken harpy when she stumbles back onto the MF stage.

Those are the highlights, but also appearing will be Emilia, who will be a MF debutant in 2009 but isn't wholly unfamiliar...you might remember her track, 'Big Big World' from the 90s. Lasse Lindh popped up last year but failed to set the MF world alight. Jennifer Brown is a new face for us all, but not having a pedigree to speak of isn't necessarily a bad thing...

So, friends, what do we think?

2008-10-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well the 2009 season has well and truly begun! Good old Bulgaria obviously has very little to do with itself over the winter, and so they have started their quest to find their ditty (or dirge) for Moscow already. I’m not even remotely interested at this stage, to be honest; although the quality of the entries might well be outstanding, I have a sneaky suspicion they won’t rival anything to be found in Melodifestivalen and Bulgaria is one of those countries whose entry is generally only remotely interesting once it’s been decided.

This weekend marks an important occasion in the UK-resident Eurovision fan’s year. It’s the annual Eurobash, in Birmingham! Members of OGAE are descending on Jury’s Inn to feast on Eurovision hits of days gone by, insanity-induced ‘tribute’ acts, (mine included!), and ‘star guests’ of dubious quality. This year, we have such starlets as the girl from Jemini, (I think she was called Jemma…possibly), Nicki French, (who I think is always dragged out – or up – for this event, gawd bless ‘er), and even the bloke who wrote ‘All Kinds of Everything’ for Dana, (the original parochial version, distinctly not Ms. International). As you may know, Eurovisionary is doing Charlotte Perrelli at the event, (not literally…ugh, the very thought!), and I’m currently sat on a Birmingham-bound train with two cases full of accoutrements associated with the forthcoming transformation, including wig, dress, oversized silvery microphone, copious amounts of make-up and sparkly things, plus of course, the frighteningly high heels. It’s all rather daunting. I am first up, in a line-up of ten acts. I don’t have a clue who, or what, any of the other acts are going to be, but suspect there might well be an Ani Lorak hidden in there somewhere, (yup, heels and obscenely short dresses at dawn), as well as an Andy Abraham, (and quite possibly a Sonia or two…she is always a good bet, even some fifteen years after the event). Nicki French is hosting this particular part of the Eurobash, so I am told. It’s going to take me absolutely ages to prepare, so even though I have been given permission to grab my evening meal first, (at 6pm), there’s no way I’d be ready for a 7.20pm start unless some preparatory work is done beforehand…

I will, of course, let you all know the outcome. I am quite sure I’ll fail miserably and will not even feature in the top three, but it’s the takng part that counts, isn’t it?

The other week, I went along to the special outing of Eurobeat, the show that is currently enjoying a popular run in London’s West End and based on the Eurovision Song Contest. We’re not allowed to call it a ‘musical’ apparently, as since there is no live music played, the Musician’s Union is not happy with that definition. The show has been doing the rounds for a while now, playing in Edinburgh at the festival up there, down under in Australia, and on a regional UK tour, but this is its first London gig. It is a jolly good night out for everyone, fan of the original event or not, but I do suggest going on to the website, (www.eurobeatthemusical.com), and becoming a ‘member’, (no payment required, just a few of your details), to enable you to download the mp3 files of the ‘entries’ beforehand. This will let you get to know them a bit better and should make the whole experience a lot more fun. They do sell the CD at the theatre, but it seems a bit daft to buy it when you can get the mp3s entirely free and more importantly, legally.

Right, just pulled in to Oxford and the train is filling up with intelligent, intense-looking studently types going home to see their families for the weekend armed with lots of oversized luggage, so probably best to sign off now.

2008-07-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

Mmm, tasty.
Yes, it's a totally gratuitous shot of Mr. Sakis Rouvas, AKA Mr. is-he-isn't-he-that-way-inclined?, (a title formerly held by a certain Johnny Logan, until everyone realised - at long last - that because Mr. Logan wasn't in the least bit attractive, we actually didn't care either way). As you probably know by now, ERT have announced already that our pal Sakis will be the Greek entrant for next year's Eurovision Song Contest over in Moscow, (that, too, has been confirmed by the way - by none other than Mr. Vladimir Putin, I believe, - though I thought we'd got rid of him and he'd been replaced by a look-, sound- and act-a-like? But I digress:). Good news, indeed, for those of us who have a penchant for shaking hips, perfect physiques and flattering, if not a little tight, tailoring which reveals an expanse of toned, tanned chest and emphasises some parts we've not yet been privvy to. I'm all for supporting Sakis from the off, whatever the song is like, and not just because I find him mildly attractive. The ESC in Athens back in 2006 was great, and it's a much cheaper city than Moscow is going to be, easier to get to, and with a wealth of affordable accommodation options. So Athens 2010 is a very attractive prospect indeed.

I'm in Bangkok, by the way, right now. It's hideously humid outside, so I'm keeping indoors for the most part. You'll be pleased to know that the new outfit is currently hanging up in my wardrobe. I'm not revealing too much, (though might do so accidentally when I put it on...ooh!); suffice to say, it needs a bit of TLC as there are sequins-a-plenty to contend with. One of the things I love about this place is that you can get your hands on everything and anything, and nobody bats and eyelid should your request be somewhat out of the ordinary. So yesterday saw me in a cramped, (but thankfully air-conditioned), indoor market trying on womens' shoes, (and specifically, those with a heel height which is nothing short of dangerous), and nobody seemed in the least surprised, shocked or even curious. Live and let live. No, the shoe thing isn't a fetish, but as you can get hold of some extraordinarily large-sized extraordinary examples of footwear here, (made predominantly for the Ladyboy market, I assume...unless the general female Thai population is big-footed?), I thought they might just come in handy at some point.

For those of you who may be interested, I came across a great blog the other day. www.swepop.blogspot.com is a veritable treasure trove for anything and everything to do with Swedish schlager, pop and dance, so it's right up my street. Lots to download and enjoy, including a fantastic new track from I-was-robbed-in-Gothenburg Velvet, ('Take My Body Close'). Go and take a gander, and enjoy.

Suggestions in an email, please....

2008-07-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

Very remiss of me. I've just realised it has been nearly two months since my last post. Very poor show, slapped wrist, and profuse apologies. I suppose I was taking a minibreak from all things Eurovisionary, having indulged a lot between February and May. Even the most die-hard of fans need to recharge their batteries from time to time, after all...

I am so relieved today, having just successfully passed my annual check. This check - known (not so) fondly as SEP, (Safety and Emergency Procedures) - incorporates all the bits about my job which are difficult, messy or just not very nice to think about, (evacuations, ditchings, fires, births, deaths, vomit..all that kind of thing). Every year, we're subjected to an intensive refresher course, two days in duration, which brings us back up to speed with the not-so-frilly bits. Everyone dreads it. You know it's due, and as each roster pops out, you pray to the dear Lord, 'next month', or perhaps they've overlooked you, but then it appears, two days of sheer hell back in the training centre. We spend a day covering Avmed, (avaition medicine), and another day concentrating on the safety and emergency side of things. Today, for instance, I fought a fire in both an overhead locker and an aircraft oven, restrained a disruptive passenger, evacuated three types of longhaul aircraft, and had to feign collapse, leaving my crew in a bit of a pickle, just to test their abilities. Not pleasant. Anyway, it's over with for yet another year, and I can start gewtting excited about my next trip!

As some of you may know, Bangkok has proved very fruitful for me. I have managed to knock together my past two years' Eurovision outfits there, (grateful thanks to Tuk and her motley crew of unerpaid, overworked slaves). Both the Scooch and the Sweden suits were made there, along with the infamous MF flags from this years' final. So this trip seems an opportune moment to create something else. Now trips like these are something of a rarity, (for me, anyway....I usually have to request them), so to have one rostered is a treat indeed. There is also word on the grapevine that they might not be continuing for much longer, so I need to take advantage while I can.

Anyway, the next Eurovision outing in the diary is the 2008 Eurobash, due to take place in Birmingham in October, and organised by OGAE UK. This will be my first attendance, but I think by then I'll be in dire need of a Euro 'jab' to sustain me until the next round of national finals start, so I'm going along this year. Now for those of you who don't know, the day features a 'Stars in their Eurovision Eyes' segment, where aspiring look/sound-a-likes don an appropriate outfit and warble away, in a desperate attempt to look and sound like Ani Lorak, (or whoever), and garner the appreciation of the crowd. Now this is an opportunity I simply cannot resist! But the thing is: who to go as? I am mulling over numerous options. I am happy to 'drag up', (why are all the best songs sung by the girls? So unfair!), and if I go down that route, it will be a performance of substantial tongue-in-cheekedness, (unless I do a Vania Fernandes - her of the creepy eyes and tent frock - who is something of a hefty girl and whose vocal range is decidedly masculine anyway). Our pal Charlotte is a serious contender, (I know I don't have the legs, but that's not the point), as is DQ from last year. So, friends, any suggestions?

Ooh, and another thing...

2008-05-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

Forgot to give you the link to my star turn on SVT! Here it is. Apparently it was shown jut before the contest last night - I thought they were only putting it on the website! Hilarious!

http://svt.se/svt/play/video.jsp?a=1154134

On reflection...

2008-05-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I didn't write anything last night, as what I would have written would have been full of vitriol and most probably would have guaranteed that I wouldn't be getting a visa for Russia for the slog out to Moscow in 2009, (imagine, Eurotastic a threat to national security!) So now, after a good sleep and a good bitch, I feel a little more composed and hopefully less judgemental about the results of the 53rd Eurovision Song Contest.

Of course I am disappointed. But if I am honest, I suppose deep down I knew the likelihood of Charlotte winning was remote - I had full confidence in both her song and performance, (which was simply fantastic, by the way), but significantly less confidence in the voting of my fellow Europeans. There are many reasons why what happens, happens, once the scoreboard is rolled out. http://esctoday.com/news/read/12003 has some great analyses for those of you who are interested, (someone's a real number-cruncher there!) Most interesting is the breakdown into 'western' and 'eastern' voting, which reveals that Greece was the winner according to the 'west'. But it isn't as partisan as you might expect, with the likes of Norway doing well in both sets of results. So you can't say the 'eastern Europeans' only go for songs from their region, (though that is generally the case). I do think there was some surprise, to a certain extent, at Russia's victory, (it was a favourite, but then there were many favourites), but the success lay in the performer, and his iconic status, more than in the song, (or even in the performance - show - which they laid on, elaborate though it was). Dima Bilan is a huge star in his native Russia, in many states which were formerly part of the USSR, in many countries which 'feed off' Russia and its culture, so even with a song which was mediocre at best, (his last attmept was significantly better), his status will have garnered massive support. There is no such equivalent in the western side of Europe, I suppose; no one singer who would win unanimous support in the same way.

I am disappointed, too, that the concept of the two semi-finals was only partially successful. Yes, it did ensure that western Europe was well-represented in the final. However, it did nothing to address the issue of block voting, and this is something which the EBU needs to look at now. I can understand that by taking part at all, each country should be entitled to vote and pass judgement, even if they have been disqualified themselves. But I think the only way to make it fair is to prevent those countries who do not qualify at the semi-final stage from voting in the final. I know that sounds a little harsh - they are penalised twice, in effect, for sending a song which Europe rejects, (for whatever reason) - but equally, if you're not in the competition, (and the final is to all intents and purposes, a separate competition), then why should you influence its outcome?

I realise now that my approach to supporting the Eurovision Song Contest has to change. I generally love the music, I love the performances, I like seeing some acts return. So now I have to see it as some kind of 'gig', albeit on a grand scale, which just happens to change its location each year. And all the rehearsals I attend, all the pre-Contest buzz, is leading up to that massive concert on the Saturday night. It gives me an opportunity to see and hear music I love, being performed live and in a great atmosphere. It sends me to places I often have never contemplated visiting, (Belgrade being one such place), and introduces me to like-minded people I might othwise never meet. But it is no longer a Contest, or a competition. The result is irrelevant now; I only need to know who won, so I know where I am booking my flights to next year...

Just hours away....

2008-05-24T06:39:00.001-07:00

I have had quite a productive day, even though I decided not to go along to the third and final dress rehearsal of the final this afernoon. I was actually at the arena, but I felt earlier on today that a bit of R&R was called for so decided to stay in my hotel and catch up on a bit of sleep before tonight!

The reason I was at the arena at all was to meet Johanna Larsson, who is the project manager for the SVT Melodifestivalen website. Jo had contacted me about doing an interview and of course I was happy to oblige. I think the angle she was going for was 'a crazy British gay guy wearing a crazy Swedish suit', for it was most important that I had the outfit on when we met. Jo was most apologetic for the title of the emails she had sent me, which from what I can gather, loosely translated as 'a British (and maybe gay) guy supporting Sweden' , saying that basically everyone involved with MF and Eurovision was gay and it was a bit of a running gag at the SVT offices. Not a problem, but nice of her to mention it nonetheless.

So I had my photo taken a couple of times, and then her cameraman Andreas started filming while I answered a few questions. Jo seemed rather bemused by it all, and I was a little conscious of how fast I was speaking, not knowing if they would be translating any of my drivel or leaving it as it was. Anyway, I was told it should be up on the MF site in time for the final this evening, and was given 'the very last' of a Charlotte Perrelli Hero Press Kit, which made it very much worth the effort. Then lots of photos from more bemused Serbs before heading back and having a nap-ette.

2008-05-24T01:43:00.000-07:00

2008-05-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

A brief update from dress two....

Great attendance tonight, probably because it is Friday night, and a good atmosphere in the hall, (apart from one or two incidents....see below!) Only thing is, people - and without wanting to offend, they were all 'locals' - kept moving around, standing up, hollering to friends etc. which disturbed everything for the other spectators. The 'hosts' on the floor, and even Mr. laissez-faire security man, toughened up tonight and were having none of it. Ooh, won't mess with them tomorrow.
The supporters from Georgia are totally crazy. One girl in particular, who is wearing a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, (not a good look, but perhaps in vogue in that part of the world for all I know), dances wildly to anything, waving what remains of her flag in a similar fashion.
Booing for both Albania, (no doubt politically-motivated), and Spain, (I think from their own people...there's still a lot of bitterness over the choice of song). Not big, not clever, and not at all Eurovision.
Talking of Spain, one of their dancers took a tumble today and simply could not get up! For a moment, I wasn't sure if it was part of the routine, but as she floundered, it became obvious that it most certainly was not. She couldn't get back into the swing of things afterwards and actually looked as though she'd had one cerveza too many, (though obviously not in the Beogradska Arena, it's drier than Saudi here).
Huge support for Laka from Bosnia. But then, I wouldn't expect otherwise.
Jelena Tomasevic goes down a storm, as one might anticipate. Don't rule out Belgrade all over again in 2009.
Just wondering: has anyone ever seen Marija Serefovic in a dress? Or a skirt?

And from the first dress of the final...

2008-05-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

Well it was good to go along to the Beogradska Arena with slightly more confidence than in previous days. Things were all a bit more relaxed today as the performers - bar the 'big four' and Serbia's Jelena - had all been there many times before, and many were still jubilant after the successes of the previous evening.

There were very few people in the arena to watch the rehearsal; some were no doubt recovering in a darkened room cursing the perils of alcohol, (as no doubt I will be come Sunday morning), while others wre probably taking a well-earned break. It's quite a demanding schedule, attending everything going. My row has three or four hardcore fans, and we have all become quite friendly. The security man who is 'guarding' the floor, (but is sooo relaxed, he leaves it to his colleagues to come along and tell people to get down from dancing on their seats), and the girls 'hosting' the spectators are also very pleasant and welcome us all back time after time.

I won't reveal anything you don't want to know, don't worry. All I will say is that Marija Serefovic does indeed open the show, and yes it is with Molitva - but not exactly the version you may be expecting. It will definitely whip up the crowds on Saturday night, though, which should be good.

The 'new' additions to the show slot in to their respective positions quite seamlessly. First up is the UK's Andy Abraham. I do hope Andy doesn't watch the local Fox TV News station...or at least, if he does catch my interview from today, (when I said I thought his song was basically crap and simultaneously shunned all notion of patriotism), they have thoughtfully dubbed it. It's a better show than I expected, I have to admit, all very colourful and rather camp, (get the silver trim on his jacket!), and a lively, upbeat change after Romania's fantastic Nico and Vlad.
Next to join the 'family' is Germany's No Angels. 'Disappear' does not sound, or look great, I'm afraid. They have been rather heavy-handed with the bass beat, and the vocals are constantly trying to compete with it. It's all rather messy, when it could - and should - have been a classy performance. I just epxected something more 'polished' than it actually is.
Sebastien Tellier doesn't do very well with 'Divine', either. It's actually quite a good track, but there's none of the quirkiness you might expect having seen the promo video, (save for the golf buggy, which makes absolutely no sense). He looks thoroughly disinterested throughout, (I know part of that is his 'appeal' , apparently), and there are two 'false ending' occasions which he will have to watch out for and time accordingly; it's fine when there's practically no audience to speak of, but when a full house starts applauding you've lost a portion of the track.
I decided today that Spain's entry is definitely the worst of the lot. It doesn't have the kitsch appeal that Verka had, so falls flat on it's face, (which, I suspect, might have happened to Rudolf at some point). I cannot see hoardes of folk getting up to do the Chikichiki...
Serbia's Jelena Tomasevic is quite something. She's gone all ethereal for the final, ditching the Croydon facelift-enducing hair in favour of flowing, wavy locks. The dancers are the same as the promo and it's all very dark and broody, but of course goes down very well - and not just with the Serbs in the house.

The big point of controversy is the lack of alcohol in the arena. Since the first semi, when apparently there was 'an incident', (a streaker, or so I hear...damn, I missed it!), there's only soft drinks and water for sale. I have to say, I'm not sure this would be the case had there been a major sponsor along the lines of Amstel in Athens...however, it now means everyone is looking for innovative ways of smuggling in anything they can, in order to make Saturday's party go with a swing. All quite interesting. Think it is going to be the not-very diluted vodka in a Pepsi bottle for me. And maybe the odd miniature stuffed somewhere discreet....

mixed results....

2008-05-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know I should be on top of the world, celebrating the fact the our Charlotte beat off some stiff competition to make it through to the grand final on Saturday. And, of course, I very much am delighted about it. But, as in previous years, there's something of a bitter taste in the mouth, as once again quite a few good songs have been sacrificed for the sake of political, tactical voting.

So we bid farewell to poor old Csezy, who put in a cracking performance and certainly didn't deserve to be knocked out, especially when the likes of Diana Gurtskaya scraped her way through, (I'll say it again: sympathy votes are wasted votes!) Interesting that we also lost Morena and Evdokia; their performances never really hit the mark throughout all the dress rehearsals and I think there was a slight desperation about them both, which is never appealing.

The big disappointment of the night, for me, was seeing Paolo Meneguzzi exit the contest. He performed 'Era Stupendo' brilliantly last night, and it was well-received in the hall, (which, you'll be thrilled to know, was packed out for once!) I cannot understand why folk would prefer the likes of Olta Boka, who while she performs it competently enough, does not have a song of any merit. But then again, there are many other factors involved, as we all know...

But I digress. CHARLOTTE IS IN THE FINAL!! Fantastic news. I have to say, I was very nervous going out in the Sweden Suit this time around. Although this was its' third outing,
it was the first in a country which is not exactly renowned for its tolerance of all things gay and I do look more than a little camp in the thing. However, once I arrived at the Beogradska Arena, it was a winner! I honestly lost count of the number of people who had their photo taken with me, from all across the continent. Everyone was finding it hard to understand why a guy from the UK was supporting Sweden, none more so than the Swedes themselves. My reply, 'but it is Charlotte!' seemed to be all the explanation required. I managed to get interviewed by four TV crews, two from Serbia and two from Ukraine, (who I suspect thought I might be supporting them since the colours of their flag are the same...I just showed them the back of the jacket, and I think they got the message). They all asked me the same questions, and I gave them all the same replies, ('yes, Serbia has done a fantastic job hosting the show', 'yes, Belgrade is a beautiful city'...I haven't actually seen any more of it than what exists between my hotel and the arena, truth be told!)

One lovely lady, who is sat in the row in front of me and is a very game girl, (she gets up and dances along to everything...though a sports bra might come in handy), turned out to be part of 'Team Perrelli' and remembered me from Melodifestivalen in Stockholm! Her daughter, who was accompanying her last night, lives in London, so I told her all about the schlager parties and said she should pop along next time.

Anyway, I have found myself on the official Eurovision website - take a gander at http://www.eurovision.tv/page/photos?gal=1076 and see if you can spot me.....

So the rehearsals for the final now begin in earnest. At least Charlotte has a better placing for Saturday night, (the same position she performed in when she won in 1999 I believe...a good omen perhaps?!) It is going to come down to a fight between Ukraine and Sweden, I fear....though there was massive support for Portugal last night, (a bit of an outside contender), and we can't rule out Dima Bilan as yet...

In an ideal world....

2008-05-22T03:01:00.000-07:00

OK, here's my wishlist of countries to get eliminated tonight...

Turkey (much better live, but still nothing especially memorable about it)
Lithuania (he tries, poor bloke, but he does have terrible hair and the whole thing is not well staged)
Albania (a bit of a dirge, though again, is much better live)
Czech Republic (Circa 1994. That DJ with the silver heart really annoys me)
Latvia (a fun novelty, but not well-executed. Messy performance)
Croatia (Just drivel, I am afraid. Not even good as an 'ethnic' or 'trad' attempt)
Bulgaria (Throwback which is clumsy and lyrically void)
Georgia (The UK was attempting these sentiments in 1990...)
FYROM (Dated, 'cheap' feel about it).

So there you have it. Looking through that list, it is a bit top-heavy with countries from the eastern side of the continent; it's nothing personal or deliberate, it's just that this year these countries simply haven't come up with the goods. I just hope we don't lose some excellent entries again, as we did last year, as a result of tactical voting...

The Competition hots up....

2008-05-21T21:01:00.000-07:00

After the second dress rehearsal for semi 2, I am starting to get rather nervous. It's not that I don't think Charlotte will qualify - I am so sure she will - but it's what might happen on Saturday night which concerns me.

There's a lot of 'buzz' around Mr. Bilan, it has to be said. While his qualification for the final was never really in doubt, just how successful he might be come Saturday is questionable. Though his set is gimmick-laden, (a prerequisite these days, it seems..though Hungary's Csezy and Portugal's Vania may beg to differ), it doesn't have the same appeal as back in Athens and the song isn't as good, either. I'm sorry, but I also think he is a bit of a funny-looking bloke...can't quite put my finger on it, (and wouldn't want to, either, thanks very much...ugh, the thought!), but there's something not quite right. I predict a solid result at the final but no better than at his previous attempt.

Ani Lorak is wowing the crowds, and rightly so. I've said it before, but I look at her and can't help seeing Helena Paparizou all over again. It's the big hair, the bulging bosom, the energy and the vague dominatrix thing going on. Her set is visually impressive and will undoubtedly stick in the minds of the voters. If Charlotte can't do it again, then it's this I'd like to see winning.

Paolo Meneguzzi seems to be getting better at every performance. He is more relaxed and confident with the stage and the venue, and though his backing singers/dancers spend a great deal of time prancing around doing actually very little, they don't detract from Paolo himself. The camera loves him, which is very understandable of course, and the audience seem equally enamoured. Probably not a winner, but a place in Saturday's final, at least.

Two acts I am disappointed with, on the strenth of the two performances I have seen, are Evdokia from Cyprus and Morena from Malta, (who, I recently discovered, is actually called Margherita, as in the cheese and tomato pizza, one suspects, not the cocktail). They are both songs I quite like, but the girls seem to be having difficulty getting them across. Evdokia has an awful lot of lyrics to spit out and doesn't always keep to the rhythm of the backing track, and while the on-stage transformation into the femme fatale is a good idea, I can't help feeling it could have been a much more 'slick' show, (I'd have liked to see a couple of her blokes tear off her virginal white coat, for example). Morena is hindered by a dodgy start to her backing track, it's happened both times so far. The 'spies' she has thoughtfully employed as her backing troupe are well-choreographed, but the girl herself is not; she moves around trying to whip up the crowd with little success. That may be, of course, because there hasn't been much of a crowd at all so far, (shame on you, Eurofans!) There is a small but fervent bunch of Maltese supporters who are sitting in the gods and are very vocal, (not to be confused with the other lot clad in red and white from Georgia, who are quite mad). There are at least eight seats to the right of mine which have never been occupied, and apparently the organisers here in Serbia are going to address this for tonight, by means of 'seat fillers'. That no doubt means I'll be lumbered with some Romany types dragged in off the streets for company. Oh well, as long as they don't mind waving my Swedish flag, I really couldn't care less.

Another classy performance from Hungary this year. Csezy was much better vocally the second time around, and it's good to see that, unlike most of this year's acts, she doesn't need a glitzy set or frankly silly props to deliver a quality sound. I have a feeling this will look very dramatic on TV and while it isn't a winner, it does make a refreshing change and is remeniscent of Eurovision of days gone by, when it was the song which mattered more than the show used to present it.

Well, I never...

2008-05-21T08:14:00.001-07:00

Some thoughts and musings from the first dress rehearsal of the second semi, (if you catch my drift)....

Iceland's Euroband are as camp as the proverbial breasts. The clue lies in the pink trim to both Fridrik and Regina's outfits, and Regina's hot pink stilettoes. They put in a cracking performance, and have a great stage presence. Plus Fridrik is rather attractive, (and I don't normally go for blondes). I think it's the nicely toned upper arms. Or something.

I actually had tears in my eyes during Charlotte's performance. She rocks. The lazer show doesn't work as well as I hoped it would, however, and I can't help feeling a few pyrotechnics wouldn't go a miss, (hell, everyone else has them!)

Ani Lorak is a serious contender for the crown. Very imaginative, clever staging. I won't spoil things by saying any more, but there is something of the Helena Paparizou about her.

Bodypopping is alive and well, those children of the '80s will be pleased to hear. Just take a look at Bulgaria.

The Mullet hairstyle is also thriving, remarkably, and notably among the delegates from a certain eastern European country. Aah, bless. Next it will be faded denim jackets and, heaven forbid, white jeans.

Yes, Vania Fernandes is that big. Not that we will hold it against her. She has a great voice and her song is another which really comes into its own performed live.

A lot of the performances weren't great vocally. Don't know if there were sound problems or if the artists were resting their voices.

Hungary's Csezy is stunning. If I were so inclined, she's be by type. I think.

Georgia's Diana Gurtskaya has the capacity to induce wild frenzy, as demonstrated by one member of her entourage, who proceded to break out into a crazy dance inbetween seating blocks during her set. The man in question apparently has no shame, for he was totally not embarrassed afterwards. Still, this was all rather more interesting than Diana's performance, which is dull, apart from the big white sheet bit. I know she is blind, but I firmly do not believe in sympathy votes, (or we'd all be voting en masse for Vania, wouldn't we?!), and neither, I suspect, do the public, (look at George Nussbaumer...)

The likes of Albania, Lithuania, FYROM and quite possibly Denmark will sink without a trace.

Somebody please tell the good folk of the Czech Republic that having a very vocal DJ on stage never did anyone any favours. The whole thing suffers as a result.

Paolo Meneguzzi is a heartbreaker. But then I think we knew that already.

There is huge appreciation for Portugal's Vania. This might just be because it's the last song of the night. But it certainly is one to watch, surprisingly enough.
The song from Croatia is quite possibly the worst in the whole competition. And the girl they have dancing all over the place is undoubtedly high on crack-cocaine, or ecstasy, or possibly both.

Hello Europe, Belgrade Calling!

2008-05-21T00:29:00.000-07:00

Dustin waits patiently on the bed

The Arena at sunset

From my seat at the Arena...it looks like a lounge bar from this shot...

Greetings from Belgrade!
I arrived rather painlessly yesterday afternoon, in plenty of time to settle in to what will become my bijou pied-a-terre for the week. From London I flew to Zurich, enduring a rather tedious three hour transit stop before heading on to Belgrade. Although the Zurich-Belgrade flight was heaving, I was quite surprised there weren't many Eurofans in evidence. You can always spot us, (and no, it's not because we're waving flags, or singing along to Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi during boarding, or simultaneously doing the Hero Head Roll (copyright, TM, etc) during the safety demo). There's just something which screams Eurovision, and apart from myself and the giggling group of gay guys a few rows back, I couldn't spot anyone (I'm making huge assumptions here, based wholly on sterotype I know, but come on, why else would a bunch of queens head out to Serbia?!)
My hotel is all rather nice, a definite attempt at being a designer/boutique place which doesn't always hit the mark but tries ever so hard. I don't have one of the rooms with a picture of a president looming over the bad, which initially I was disappointed about, but on reflection might be for the best; I don't have any inclination whatsoever to sleep with Vladimir Putin, and the thought of coming back 'home' slightly the worse for wear and coming face-to-face with Adolf Hitler is not a pleasant one. So I have some rural landscape scene instead, which is pretty enough. I'm loving the twinkly lights above the bed, which change colour intermittently. Very soothing. The furniture is unfortunately all rather mfi, I'm afraid; there's something very flatpack about it, and I don't expect it will last all that long. My bathroom is nice and big, with a fancy sink, (all 'design' places seem to have fancy sinks, as though a fancy sink qualifies the status), and an oversized shower big enough for two, (ooh, naughty!), with a glass panel which is exposed to the bedroom, (ooh, kinky!) But the free wireless, free international phonecalls and free ironing service are all appreciated, (though I shall not be entrusting the Sweden Suit to Terezsa, after she did a bit of a botch job on my jeans).

So, to last nights' escapade. Well I went in one of my secret weapon T-shirts, which is emblazoned with a rather naughty picture of our Charlotte heaving out of a basque, (it's the one from her web page, if you're interested). On the reverse it carries the lyrics of Hero, from just before the Hero Head Roll. Lovely stuff. Of course, Dustin came along for the ride, carefully concealed in a linen laundry bag I had misappropriated from some hotel in India. A group of Irish girls were most impressed, and insisted on having their photo taken with him in various 'we're pretending to snog Dustin' poses. Anyway, he sat happily on my lap throughout, (except for being waved around frantically during the Irish set), and occasionally farted and belched contentedly. Actually, quite a few fans snapped him now I come to think of it...

I am quite happy with my seat, it's close to the stage and not too far from an aisle, (so I can run out to the loo during one of the lesser-impressive songs). It's only two rows up from the 'floor' which is not fantastic view-wise, but means you're nearer the throng of fans. As with last year, I was very disappointed by the severe lack of spectators in the arena altogether; the whole two blocks on the floor in front of me were empty, (I'm presuming these are seats for delegates), as were lother arge chunks of the auditorium. It's such a shame, as I'm sure there would be lots of folk interested in going along, and it doesn't inspire much confidence for the artists performing.

So what of the results? We always knew Kalomira would get through for Greece, and it was well-deserved after a cracker of a performance. I have two Greeks sat next to me, and they were beside themselves with joy about it all, which is nice, (we had a little chat about just how fabulous Helena Paparizou really is during Azerbaijan). Talking of which, those Azeri folk were ecstatic that 'Day After Day' qualified, and proceded to do a victory run around the floor with oversized flags and the like. Aah, bless. In terms of the quality of the songs, the semis are very uneven, with the best lot all lumped together in the second run on Thursday. Last night the best of what wasn't a great bunch got through - with a couple of exceptions. I can only think that Finland's Teräsbetoni appealed as being completely different from anything else. But we have the likes of Dima Bilan, Maria H, Poland's (has she had 'the op'?) Isis and good old Nicole and Vlad, whom I have a soft spot for. Shame, though, to have to wave goodbye to both Rebeka Dremelj and the bubbly Gisela, and of course to our Dustin. He was robbed....

So onto the serious business today of the dress rehearsals for semi 2. I say serious because as we all know, this one features all my favourites and one particular ditty you might be familiar with which goes by the name of Hero.....

2008-05-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

I simply cannot believe that this time next week, I shall be just about finished with prancing round my swanky hotel room in Belgrade and preening myself in readiness for the Serbian edition of the Eurovision Song Contest. After what seems like an eternal wait, Eurovision Week is finally here!

I made it back safely from Uganda, you’ll be pleased to know, and did myself proud by not spending a penny the whole trip, (no, not that kind of penny...goodness, I’d be in dire need of medical help if that were the case). Talking of cases, I did some serious Delsey Dining, (which, to the uninitiated, means you stuff your Delsey full of food before you go and self-cater the whole time. It’s done either to save money, save your waistline, save your health – in countries where hygiene standards can be somewhat questionable – or occasionally, all three). My main motivation was saving money, to be honest. I have just cancelled my original hotel booking for Belgrade and upgraded myself to somewhere which promises to be much swankier. I had booked the first place with availability, as rooms were initially hard to find, but in the past few days there has been a plethora of accommodation options springing up. Having read the Tripadvisor reviews of my original accommodation, I decided I was simply far too much of a hotel snob, and possibly a little too glam, for the place, (don’t want to scare the locals…well, not too much, anyway), so am now destined elsewhere. I do blame my job for spoiling me with what are, on the whole, lovely residences downroute.

Now I am in something of a quandary. As you know, I shall be donning the Swedish Suit once again, in support of Charlotte and Hero. I’d ideally like to wear it only the once, as this would maximise its impact and prevent it from any damage, (fag ends, spilled drinks, pawing fingers etc.) I am totally confident that Ms Perrelli will progress through to Saturday’s final, but there is of course the slim possibility that she will not, (look at what happened to poor Kate Ryan in Athens, or Edsilia last year…travesties, both of them…well not them personally of course, but what happened to them). So, do I wear it at the semi, or hang on until the final? Would I look a total prat if I wore the outfit at the final and Charlotte wasn’t there?, (heaven forbid). Advice, on a comment board, please. Many thanks.

I have a couple of secret weapons that I am accumulating to form my armoury in the battle for Swedish victory. Of course there are the flags – one of which I have already suspended in my living room window – but I have a few other things up my sleeve, (and elsewhere…hmm, cryptic!), which I hope will be well-received in Belgrade. All, (well, not all…you’ll understand what I mean later!), will be revealed this week.

six days and counting....

2008-05-14T04:49:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a few weeks, friends, but those weeks have been immensely busy, so do forgive me for not posting of late.

Ever since the UK Eurovision Preview Party, things have been non-stop. I now find myself in the rather dreary surroundings of Kampala, Uganda - an appropriate destination for me if ever there was one, you might say - and with very little else to do but ruminate and look out onto the hotel car park some umpteen floors below, now seems like a perfect opportunity to keep you updated.

The Great Wall of China

Last week saw me heading out to Beijing, which is getting very olympicised, (there's a neologism if ever there was one), in preparation for the games which open on 8th August. This was not a 'normal' trip, in that on this occasion my mum had decided to accompany me. Such events are always uber-stressful, since she was travelling on a standby basis, ('staff travel' being one of our remaining perks), and there is always the danger that whoever is accompanying you doesn't get accepted for travel. Anyway, she enjoyed her flight over immensely, kicking back and knocking down the bubbly while I looked on with envious eyes. Of course, upon arrival in Beijing, she was refreshed and rested after a long nap on a super-duper flat bed, while Eurotastic was bloody knackered, (providing outstanding customer service for such a long time is wearing on both mind and body, believe moi). So we scrapped our plans for the rest of the day and I had a good long sleep before our early start the following morning.

We had organised a private tour, which basically meant we would be accompanied by a local guide and driver and there wouldn't be any irritating, (read: transatlantic) types hindering our progress during the day. I have been on way too many tours which have been spoiled by representatives of various nationalities who see fit to go abroad and do nothing but live out the stereotypical perceptions the rest of the world has of them. I usually try to bite my tongue and put up with them, but I suspected that might be difficult after insufficient sleep and an eight-hour time change, so the 'private tour' seemed like the best option. Our little guide, (that's not being derogatory, she was quite petite), met us in reception and we headed off to Tiananmen Square. The poor girl didn't speak much English and it was often a struggle understanding just what she had said, so I lumbered mum with her while I wandered off taking photos. After seeing the Forbidden City - quite pretty, but in dire need of some TLC - we headed on to the Great Wall, which was overrun with tourists who had obviously travelled from far and wide within China to see their own national monument.

Eurotastic, as a blondie, became something of a freak-show, with numerous randoms wanting to have their photo taken with me. I reasoned that the poor beggars had probably never left their village before, and that blonde hair was probably not overly common in Guangzhou province, (or wherever). Apparently, blonde hair is also something of a good luck symbol. So little babies were thrust into my arms to be posed with, student types were practising their English with me, and elderly women bared their toothless grins cheek-to-cheek avec moi for the family album. All very bizarre.

So with only a few days before I jet off to Beograd, I am getting very excited about everything. A number of new accommodation options have recently sprung up, so I might be treating myself to a bit of luxury in Serbia's fair capital, instead of slumming it as was previously the plan, (through sheer lack of choice, believe me...come on, do you really think I would slum it if I didn't have to?!) I have my copy of Charlotte's simply fantastic new album - Hero - and am loving it, expecially the tracks 'Bullet' and 'Appreciate'. Highly recommended; it's constantly on the ipod. The official CD of all this years' songs is in HMV, (though not very prominently displayed, it has to be said..I'm sure that will change in the next few days), and there's even been a Eurovision Party CD released, (a collection of tracks most fans will have already, true, but for such a thing to hit 'the mainstream' is quite an achievement). We have seen the first rehearsals of this years' performers, finally got to see the official video for Hero, (and be a tad disappointed as a result...where did that microphone go, Charl?) and according to a totally non-scientific poll of many of my fellow crewmembers, Charlotte Perrelli's track is a surefire winner, (I've been playing the Melodifestivalen video on my laptop at inopportune moments during my flights of late, to gauge opinion). So all is looking good....

Dustin has arrived!

2008-04-23T04:36:00.000-07:00

Well look what turned up today....

I had been on the look-out for a Dustin to accompany me to Belgrade for ages...and he arrived this morning! Co-incidentally, so did my Eurovision tickets...it's a little overwhelming to have twelve of the things, (three of which I won't be using, unfortunately); I just hope I don't get confused over which is which.
There was some excellent news last night, when it was revealed that Dustin would be attending the UK Eurovision Preview Party on Friday. He won't be performing, unfortunately, but it will be nice to see him come along. Also attending, and possibly more an impressive name, (especially for those of you who have tastes similar to mine), is good old Nanne Gronvall! It certainly promises to be a great night. Nanne's appearance does kind of encourage me to wear the Sweden suit, but there's no firm decision as yet... We have twelve acts popping up, how marvellous!

Bucks Fizz, United Kingdom 1981 winners
Ani Lorak, Ukraine 2008
Euroband, Iceland 2008
Isis Gee, Poland 2008
Morena, Malta 2008
Nico & Vlad, Romania 2008
Laka, Bosnia & Herzegovina 2008
Maria, Norway 2008
Sirusho, Armenia 2008
Ruslan, Belarus 2008
Paul Oscar, Iceland 1997
Nanne Gronvall, Sweden 1996

Plus Andy Abraham, Dustin and Deep Zone and Balthazar, (gosh, I do hope they didn't read my trashing of their couture), will be present but not performing. Hurrah!

Don't look into her eyes!!

2008-04-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

This year's Eurovision has thrown up some very scary spectacles. I'm not sure if there are actually any more than in previous years, but it certainly feels like it...taking a quick gander through the various CD covers, (credit goes to Mr. http://www.eurovisioncovers.co.uk/), official promo photos and the like, there are some shocking images to behold.

Look at the 80s throwback which is Bulgaria's Deep Zone & Balthazar, for instance. Now this is the kind of thing I would have expected from a Scandinavian country circa 1985, (probably Norway, to be honest). What is it with the fancy blazers? And the poor girl, (is she Balthazar? Heaven knows...), trussed up like some LA whore with hair a la Dulce Pontes, 1991? Goodness me, I know things might be a little behind the times in Bulgaria, (no offence to my Bulgarian friends), but honestly...and there's not even a shred of irony going on...

Talking of Dulce, that hair is quite forgiven, for it was of its era and the frock wasn't too bad, (again, for its era). Her compatriot for this year, however, is something else. Regular readers will know that I am not a fan of straight fringes, (ref. Sanna Nielsen, 2007), and in this respect, Portugal's Vania is commiting a huge crime. I suspect she will atone for this sin by going Dulce for the semi, which means she will be using a lot of volumising products, a turbo-force hairdryer and a shedload of Elnett to produce what is otherwise known as big hair. It is not only the hair which concerns me, though. Vania, in an attempt at smiling, looks rather frightening in this picture. It's the eyes, I think. Don't look for too long, or you might be hypnotised into actually voting for Senhora do Mar. Heaven forbid.

Sirusho from Armenia is a pretty girl, but this promo pic does little for her. She looks like she's just woken up after a heavy night on Morena's Vodka, (a particularly potent brew, akin to Moonshine, so I hear). I am sure she will look much better on Friday, at the UK Eurovision Preview Party. I'll be sure to report back, fret not. However, if she intends to come along kitted out in the same gear Georgia's Diana is wearing on her CD cover, she best be careful around the Kings Cross area...people will get the wrong idea and might enquire as to her rates...

Note to self: Morena is inappropriate drinking buddy

Diana on a good night out

We all thought Eurovision had reached a milestone some ten years ago, when a transsexual named Dana International triumphed in Birmingham. 2008 marks another high point, as it sees the first bare arse on a CD cover of a Eurovision entrant. Wouldn't you know it would be from France? Sebastien Tellier is obviously a naughty boy. I think we can safely assume it is not his own posterior, (one hopes not, anyway). He's already caused a rumpus back home by daring to sing en anglais. Definitely this years' troublemaker.

Sebastien Tellier riding on a bare bottom (couldn't resist!)

What can we say about this thing from Bosnia? I hear some people have a liking for the ditty. I'm not overly keen, (the English version, although it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, is better). I am all for championing individuality, but really....maybe Laka hasn't quite cottoned on to the meaning of irony?

Laka and his tea cosy, replete with greasy hair I suspect

Now for some eye-candy. The consensus is that it is a toss-up, (ahem), between Denmark's Simon Matthews and Paolo Meneguzzi auf der Schweiz. Simon looks better in the official video, I do concede, but I'm afraid it is Paolo all the way for me. Plus, his song is infinitely better. Any thoughts folks?

Well enough utter bitching from me. I have just realised how nasty this post might come across as being; that was not the intention, I promise. It's just a jovial look through the musical feast we have fast approaching. Plus, it killed some time while I was wide awake at a God-awful hour in wonderful San Francisco...

What do you think?

2008-04-19T00:59:00.000-07:00

Well I have finally decided to pop along to the UK Eurovision Preview Party next weekend, but am now facing another quandry: oh, what to wear?
I can go non-Euro and just wear something fabulously stylish; wear this year's Swedish outfit, or last year's Scooch Suit, (the trousers of which are a little obscenely tight now, but I could probably get away with it). Any thoughts people?

2008-04-14T05:11:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon, dear friends, and welcome to Pakistan!

Now Islamabad is one of the destinations on our route network which I classify as somewhere I have no real desire to go but by coming here, I can 'tick the box' and say I have been. The same can se said for most of Africa, actually, (who really wants to go to Angola, for example?!), but at least in Islamabad, the hotel is lovely and I can spoil myself while I am here. I am considering treating myself to a Pearl Facial tomorrow, (no dirty giggling there...goodness, your minds are from the sewer!), designed specifically to 'brighten, tone and lift' stressed-out types like moi. Not that I am particularly stressed, actually, but it does sound quite pleasant, and is only about a tenner, which I suspect could be a bit of a bargain, (might get a manicure done while I am at it...)

Although I am supposed to be dieting on a super scale, (Eurovision is next month, boys and gals!), I might also succumb to the delights of the lovely curry I had here last time. I don't know, I have very little willpower these days. Dining options are fairly limited, actually, as there are quite a few spots we have been advised not to venture to for security reasons, (the local KFC and Pizza Hut being the prime two, as obvious targets; honeypots for tourists craving something vaguely akin to the fayre they get back home, and - sadly, and revealingly - 'icons' of a western culture whose influence these days, (politically, culturally and socially), is a matter for fervent debate.

Ooh things are hotting up for the UK Eurovision Party at Scala...now we have the lovely Maria Haukaas, AKA this year's Miss Norway, (her of the suspiciously deep voice...hmmm), joining in the fun. Andy Abraham - The UK's Binman - will apparently be popping up, but won't be performing, (or something), so quite what his role will be, I'm not sure. Anyway, I have a ticket, and I have a hotel room booked in the vicinity, but I still don't know for certain if I shall be attending. It's the huge inconvenience of work the following day that is niggling at me...I know in my heart of hearts I would be an absolute fool to not go, and kind of feel at the moment that things like this do not come along that often....hmmm...

Oh dear, the heavens have just opened and a huge storm has just arrived...thunder, lightning, hail, rain...and there were the girls on my crew hoping for an opportunity to top up their tan...

Oh dear....

2008-04-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

Friends, take a quick look at this article. Doesn't bode well for moi in Belgrade by the looks of things...

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-7375.html

Think it might be a case of a taxi to, and from, the Arena....

Under the weather...

2008-04-11T05:40:00.001-07:00

Huh, so much for the sun and sea air of LAX...Eurotastic returned from the US of A with a rotten cold. I wasn't actually aware of anything being amiss until we came into land at Heathrow, and my left ear 'went' on me. I still can't hear properly now, which is a little unfortunate. I'm waiting for it to clear, and hopefully before my next trip on Sunday. I'm off to Pakistan, of all places. I must be one of very few crew who enjoy going to Islamabad. My reasons are very shallow, I'm afraid; our hotel there is simply fantastic, it is dirt cheap and we are treated like royalty, plus there is some wonderful food to be had if you know where to go, (I won't be partaking this time as, yet again, I'm back on my diet, hoping to shed a load of weight in time for Belgrade).

Anyway, while I'm at home feeling a bit miserable, I have been considering how one-sided the semifinals of this year's Eurovision actually are. Basically, any songs of any worth are all in the second semi, on the 22nd of May. This is a real pity, as by default it means that some real trash, (from the first semi), will get through, while some real gems, (from the second), will fall by the wayside. As I am sure you all know, Eurotastic is switching allegiance this year and will be supporting Charlotte Perrelli all the way. I have had the Sweden suit specially cleaned, I just hope it survives two outings in the same week, (as Charl will, of course, progress to the final). However, other favourites, such as Switzerland, Iceland, Malta, Cyprus and Ukraine are also the be found in Semi 2. Now, what we need is for the good folk of Europe to do the right thing and only send through the decent songs from this Semi, so at least the Final will be something worth watching.

I will also be present at Semi 1, but there's nothing outstanding there for me to support particularly, (which is handy, as it is taking place the same day as I arrive in Belgrade so will be a little low on energy no doubt). Dustin will be getting a cheer, I have to say, because he reminds me of my years spent living in Dublin and the happy times I had there. I know he's controversial, but I'd rather have Dustin - which is knowingly tongue-in-cheek - that that dreadul Verka Serduchka or the like. Which reminds me, does anyone out there have a Dustin cuddly toy I can take along to Belgrade with me...?

LA-la land!

2008-04-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

Well, what a busy couple of weeks it has been. This is the reason why I haven't posted anything for a while; I've been up to my eyes and don't feel like I've been able to 'touch base' for a long time.

The most important news is that I have finally moved back to the UK. My three years in Spain is not something I regret, but it was becoming impossible to commute back and forth for work, and was costing me an absolute fortune. Now I know things aren't going to be much better on the financial front, (I've ended up at Euro Towers, somewhere in the vicinity of London's Heathrow airport), but I am already appreciating not having to worry about catching flights, organising hotel rooms and making early report times. It is so great to be able to catch a bus to, and from, work...I'm only ten minutes away now, and it is fantastic! The actual final move was done under the cover of darkness, with me arriving in Sevilla late one evening and leaving before daybreak the next day, armed with two horrendously heavy suitcases. I never realised how heavy CDs were when you grouped them together, (or just how many Euro gems I did actually own!) Actually, the whole exercise was quite cathartic, as it forced me to chuck out an awful lot of junk and now I feel like I can start afresh in my new abode. Grateful thanks must go to the young man on check-in for my flight from Madrid, who graciously waived the excess baggage fees. Equal, profuse, apologies to the poor baggage handlers, whose backs are probably still 'out' as a result of loading my luggage.

Just over a week ago, I managed to attend Schlagerparty: Melodifestivalen Revisted at Loom bar in London, which was yet another outing of sheer fabulousness. We were treated to the exclusive premiere airing of the Soundfactory remix of Charlotte Perrelli's 'Hero', undoubtedly this years' Eurovision winner. I am (slightly) ashamed to admit, I cannot report back on the quality of said remix, as I was rather inebriated that evening and cannot recall very much at all, quite frankly. I am sure I thought it was fantastic - especially at the time - and it is more than likely that I could be seen rolling my head on its' axis at the appropriate point. There are one or two photographs of me at the event doing the rounds, though as far as I can tell, none are embarrassing enough to prevent me from ever attending another bash again. Thank the dear Lord. I did manage to come home with the wrong coat - whoops! -and am still in the process of reuniting the garment with its rightful owner. Sorry.

How fantastic is the upcoming UK Eurovision Preview bash in London? I am starting to wnder if it is worth dragging my (oversized...or should that be supersized?) ass to Belgrade at all, when all the good performers, (bar Charl, of course), are putting in an appearance in my new home town! I am actually in a bit of a quandry where this is concerned. I am free that evening, but am supposed to be flying off to the Big Apple the following day, at 2pm-ish...I would dearly love to go, but am not sure if it is a sensible thing to do, (heck, of course it isn't sensible!), even if I do not let a single alcoholic beverage pass my lips, and leave as soon as Morena has finished chucking her Smirnoff, (straight...she doesn't look the type to need a mixer), into the pulsating crowd. Advice please.

I am once again in Los Angeles, by the way, enjoying the vague insanity that is Long Beach. The young man checking us in last night was quite enthusiastic in sharing his hot tips for bars to frequent, making flagrant assumptions as to my sexuality and coming out (ha!) with a long list of gay 'joints' that he considered worth visiting, (I think that might have had something to do with all the boys on the crew calling eachother 'love' and 'darling'...it's just something we do, OK?!) We were insanely delayed yesterday, but there was a positive note to arriving at LAX looking like I'd just done a Singapore-Sydney without stopping off; we generated a nice overtime type payment, the likes of which will cover my Eurovision tickets for this year handsomely, and the some. Hurrah! Even though we looked rather dishevelled as we queued for immigration, we still managed to look infinitely more glam than the American Airlines lot who rolled up behind us. I concede that there is very little one can do when your company forces you to dress in synthetics - I'm talking polyester overkill here - but come on girls, (and guys!), what is it with your hair? I'm shuddering even now. Plus, (and I'm trying not to sound bitchy here, but failing miserably, I realise), there comes a time, (and a stature), in a woman's life when a hemline above the knee becomes unacceptable. The Philippine Airlines girls were much more friendly, it has to be said, and quite chatty. We were all shooting collective daggers at the Singapore girls, who always manage to look immaculate, stunning and charming, but whose uniform does look a tad impractical. I simply cannot imagine throwing yourself down the evacuation slides in that get-up, and still maintaining some shred of dignity...

2008-03-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well, dear friends, Melodifestivalen is over for another year! There is always something of an anticlimax after every event like this; the build-up is so great, and there are so many expectations which have been built up over a number of weeks, that when it all comes to an end you just can’t help but feel a little lost and disappointed. The fact that I am sat here at Arlanda, and it is cold and rainy and all rather grey outside, doesn’t help things much.

One this I am not disappointed in, however, is the outcome. Yes, it has caused a lot of controversy in the Swedish media, (even today, two days on, the likes of Aftonbladet and Expressen are still debating the whys and wherefores, and there are further reports of Sanna ‘being robbed’ of victory). The crucial factor, of course, was the jury voting, which secured Charlotte’s win and is sending a simply fantastic song to Belgrade. The general feeling is that the choice of ‘the people’ should be the song to represent the country, and the outcome of the people’s vote should not have been affected by the opinions of the juries. But the juries – even though they do not participate in the televote – are as much members of ‘the people’ as anyone else, with opinions and preferences as valid as any other, (and some might say even more valid, since many jury members are connected with the music and entertainment industry). The jury system has been defended as something of an integral part of the history of Melodifestivalen, and it would be a shame to see its’ demise. Some argue that the juries have all but gone from the Eurovision finals, so the same should happen at Melodifestivalen. However, although the competition is staged largely to select Sweden’s representative at Eurovision, it is still very much an individual event, totally unique is terms of scale and popularity, so surely it should retain those features which make it so. Plus the jury versus the public vote makes for an infinitely more exciting result, and it is, after all, partly about great television, too. Perhaps Sanna should have walked away with the trophy, but think about it this way; she knows she won the support of the (CD-buying) public, she has received a well-deserved boost to her career, (God loves a tryer), and she doesn’t have to make the trek to Belgrade in May, with all the pressure that brings. Instead, she can watch from the comfort of home, contemplating new ways to style those locks and probably raising a glass or two to Charlotte in the process.

I have to say, this year has definitely been one of a few surprises.It was inconceivable that Carola and Andreas would not make it straight through to Globen – and many expected to watch passively as they romped home to victory. But the supposed ‘dream team’ faltered at the first hurdle, and fell flat on their faces at the second. Andra Chansen put paid to some other strong entries – the likes of Therese Andersson and Ola spring to mind – while direct tickets to the final were wasted on the likes of Christer Sjogren. Nordman’s track very quickly became the one I loved to hate – there has to be one every year - and even though it has proved surprisingly popular here in Sweden, it still hasn’t managed to enamour itself to me. I suppose it offered us something different and was a change from the schlager sound which has become the hallmark of the competition, but if it ain’t broke – and the schlager sound definitely isn’t – then don’t go trying to fix it.

The biggest success of the evening – apart from that little ditty sung by the blonde in the obscenely high heels – was without a doubt my specially-commissioned Melodifestivalen flag. Charlotte had her heels as a secret weapon, and I had sequins. I’d had the idea for getting the flag made just at the last minute, during my recent trip to Bangkok. So while one tailor was busily assembling the Swedish flag for me to wear, another was no doubt cursing me – and my sequins – and wondering what on earth the thing was for in the first place. Anyway, there are actually two of these babies – the sequins differ slightly – and from now on, they’re being kept under lock and key, such was their popularity and the envy they generated! My Swedish suit was almost as popular, and I think it survived relatively intact, which was no mean feat. Not only did it manage to endure a spectacular amount of frenetic leaping up and down, wild applause and arm-waving in Globen, but also a repeat performance in Lino afterwards, (the original intention was to change in a loo before we hit the club, but of course, the best laid schemes oft go awry when there have been one or two alcoholic beverages consumed). For those unfamiliar with Lino, this is the club to get to immediately post-MF. The trick is to leave Globen ASAP after the results have been announced and make your way straight there. This year, I was fortunate enough to have my transport laid on for me, courtesy of a young Swede by the name of Andreas, who had sorted it for myself and the entourage to have a taxi ready and waiting to speed off at 10.05pm. There was literally just enough time to catch Charlotte’s reprise performance before we raced out of the arena and into the night.

The photos are just a choice selection – and, as happened with the Scooch suit from Helsinki last year, I know there are many more in the hands of total strangers from across Europe who requested to have their picture taken with us. I do believe a couple might have been taken by gentlemen from the press, but even though I diligently scoured the pages of Aftonbladet etc. post-MF, I’ve yet to come across any of them, (do let me know, won’t you, if any of you find any…many thanks).

So now we have our winner, and I at last have something of quality to support in Belgrade. I am hoping that the Swedish suit will survive a quick dry-clean and be as good as new before then. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the trademark shoes, which through a combination of over-enthusiastic singing, dancing and drunken debauchery did not survive the night and will not be making an appearance in May, (though I’m on the lookout for replacements – again, do let me know if you see anything even remotely similar, won’t you?).

Now, who am I going to be seeing at the Schlagerparty on the 29th?

2008-03-16T03:39:00.000-07:00

2008-03-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

The other Christer and his 'girls'

Sibel and the Melodifestivalen wind machine

Christer believes in dressing down, obviously..

The lovely people of Globen

Rongedal (just before that slidy thing they do)

Direct from Camp Melodifestivalen!

2008-03-15T02:15:00.000-07:00

Dear readers, please be gentle with me today. Eurotastic imbibed quite a few beverages of the vaguely alcoholic variety last night, and my head is now telling me that perhaps this wasn't such a great idea. Fear not, though; I've had a couple of nurofen and my breakfast meatballs, so I'll be fine very shortly. Probably.

Apart from the hangover, all is well here at Camp Melodifestivalen. Last night's dress rehearsal was a lot of fun, though as in previous years, it was hard extracting any enthusiasm from the folk sat on either side of me. While I was jumping up and proffering wild applause, the rather staid people sat around me merely clapped politely. What a waste of a decent ticket! Still, I was happy with my lightsticks and made full use of them during Charlotte's opening performance. What a cracker this girl is. Apparently, she is suffering from a cold and there was much discussion in the media as to whether she would apear at all. But she's a trooper, and she belted out Hero to wild applause, (from me, and me alone, it seemed). It's great to have this as an opener - it gets things going - but everything else seems a bit of an anticlimax from then on, which is the only problem. Aftonbladet reported yesterday that the voting had already been rigged by SVT in Charlotte's favour - it was front page news. Obviously, there is absolutely nothing else even remotely interesting going on in the whole of Sweden; or, at least, nothing worth reporting. Of course, I do concur tham the goings on at Melodifestivalen should get top billing, but I can't believe there hasn't been some murder or some politician caught with his pants down or some environmental happening gone on...

I'm not going to go into detail as I don't want to spoil anything for you all, but the biggest support in the house went to our Charlotte, Linda, Sanna and BWO. Nordman, despite going way overboard with the pyrotechnics - to such an extent that I began eyeing up the nearest fire extinguisher - got only muted appreciation, which is fine by me.

A bizarre highlight of the show was the piano rendition of The Worrying Kind, last year's winner by The Ark. A Swedish-Japanese woman with super-sized hair and a bad purple frock somehow manages to give it a totally different 'spin', and it's not at all bad. It forms part of the interval shenanegins.

Ooh, there's Martin from BWO doing his catherine wheel thing....anyway, I'm back to bed for a few hours to sleep off the effects of last night. Later today, I'm attending the Schlager lunch, organised by the Swedish Melodifestivalklubben, which promises good food, good company and lots of Schlager in place of suspect muzak in the background. Hurrah!

I've got a Golden Ticket....!

2008-03-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

Well everyone, here they are!

I wandered over to the Sweden House to pick them up bright and early this morning, after my favourite Swedish beakfast of cheese, scrambled eggs, (probably not strictly Swedish, but anyway..), and those delicious meatballs. I do love a Swedish meatball, (oh come on, allow me some innuendo!), and a hearty breakfast of those certainly sets you up for the day. I was rather disconcerted when the generously proportioned gentleman sat beside me whipped out a two litre bottle of coke zero to accompany his buffet selection, and proceeded to quaff his way through two-thirds of the bottle in one sitting. First of all, I don't personally see that as a polite thing to do - BYOB, as it were - and secondly, that is some serious caffeine addiction going on there. The irony that it was coke zero he was drinking with one hand while simultaneously hoovering up most of the buffet with the other - leaving some meek Japanese girls both open-mouthed and empty-stomached - is not lost on me. Only later did I realise he was the same man sat two rows up from me on the SAS flight across. Do we brits not know how to behave?!

Anyway, the purpose of today was to do all my CD shopping in one go, and this I achieved with considerable success, but not without upset. It is literally dog-eat-dog out there! Whoever would have thought buying Melodifestivalen CDs could become so akin to gang warfare?! Goodness! I was just by the till in the Megastore.se shop next to Ahlens, where they have thoughtfully collected together all the singles of this year's entries together in one place by the till, and had my hand reaching out for the seven-track maxi CD of Androla. Some cheeky Swedish bint grabbed it from me, along with seven other copies, (all that they had!) and put them all up on the counter. I looked up to see she had multiples of absolutely everything going - books, CDs, DVDs - that had even a vague MF connection. Obviously a keen ebayer, methinks. Regardless, that kind of behaviour simply isn't on - and fortunately the pleasant young man working in the store must have thought the same. Removing a copy from the top of the pile, he gave the Swedish bint a deathly glare and handed it over to me, with a rather heart-melting beaming smile. Result!
It is good fun, watching all the MF tourists grazing over all the CDs and stocking up. It also adds to the excitement of it all.

All the polls seem to have Charlotte as favourite, which is simply fine by me. Aftonbladet had an interesting article yesterday which, although I am in no way proficient in Swedish, I did get the gist of. Poor Linda is apparently being stalked by a guy with a foot fetish, who keeps ringing her up with naughty phonecalls. The article was, of course, accompanied by photos of Linda looking vaguely terrorised, as they do with this kind of thing. And this makes the front pages!

ATTENTION MS. BENGTZING!

2008-03-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

Oh please, love, I was liking that razored bob! What's with the extensions? Honestly, some people just will not be told....

I've arrived!

2008-03-13T00:37:00.001-07:00

Day two did not have the most auspicious of starts. I was rather rudely awoken at 1am this morning by the Yotel fire alarm wailing something akin to Verka Serduchka on acid. Not pleasant. Of course, there was no fire, and the girl wandering the corridor trying to placate the very unhappy guests told us all it was 'only a test'. At 1am? I think not. I couldn't get back to sleep for ages, and only managed to grab an hour or so before I had to wake up again for my flight. My opinions of this place have changed considerably actually, and not just because of the fire alarm. There really isn't room to do anything in this bliddy cabin; you turn one way and hit your luggage, the other and hit the desk....every task is a logistical nightmare. Maybe the cabins are fine if you have precisely nil luggage and are as slender and lean as a size zero catwalk type, but anyone else will find them a struggle. You live and learn.

Anyway, you will be simply thrilled to hear that I am now safely installed in my room at my Melodifestivalen home from home, the Birger Jarl hotel in Stockholm. I have made this my base for a few visits, just because it ticks all the boxes for me personally; comfortable accommodations with a sense of style, close to an underground station, freebie breakfast and a handy Lidl supermarket just down the road, so I can stock up my in-room mini-fridge. Perfect! So, room 322 will henceforth be known as camp Melodifestivalen, (how apt, n'est-ce pas?!) and this is where I will be reporting from, thanks to the free wireless access. Hurrah!

2008-03-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

Day one of the 2008 Melodifestivalen outing has arrived! As I compose this post, I am ensconced in the most bizarre but strangely comfortable hotel ‘room’ I’ve stayed in for a long while. As my flight to Stockholm departs relatively early tomorrow morning, I decided to make the whole thing as stress-free as possible by staying at Heathrow the night before. Unfortunately, scouring all my sources of cheap hotel rooms at the airport proved fruitless, so I had to book myself into the new Yotel which forms part of the Terminal 4 building.

The concept is apparently based upon a blend of the British Airways First cabin, (well, I’m familiar enough with that one, at least!), and the ‘capsule’ hotels in Japan. These are tiny little ‘capsules’, designed to provide weary business folk with somewhere to lay down their head for a few hours sleep. Not luxurious, but practical and functional, (like most of Japan, I have to say). Anyway, my Yotel ‘cabin’, (as they call them), is small but perfectly formed. It has a mini ‘wet room’, pull-up desk and fold-away stool, and a cosy bed with TV at the end. I’m liking it all really – free wifi, huge fluffy towels, (probably as big as the total floor space of the cabin, but there you are), mood lighting you can play around with, calming colour schemes…oh yes, now if only I could get this on a larger scale for my new flat…

Back to what we’re here for. I am trying to decide my order of preference for the songs in this year’s final, and it’s proving a bit of a toughie. Yes, bliddy Nordman remain firmly stuck at the bottom of the list, (we’re talking thrown overboard with a heavy weight securely attached), but as for the others…? Here’s how things stand at the moment…in reverse order…

Nordman: they got Androla kicked out, plus I’m not a huge fan of piercings in odd places and it’s about as far-removed from Schlager as you can get

Christer Sjögren: the ‘novelty’ has worn very thin after hearing it so many times now. It is getting embarrassing.

Frida (etc.): Yes, it has grown on me a little, (as has, I am sure, Frida’s waistline) so is elevated from ‘absolutely dreadul’ to ‘OK’ status. Lucky Frida.

Amy Diamond: Amy has probably suffered, too, as a a result of being in week one so I’ve played her to death, (so to speak). I’m not liking the gold lame jacket at all.

BWO: This is a close call, but although I do like this one, it really isn’t their finest moment.

Rongedal: This is fun, I’m liking the red suits and Mika sound. Most of all, though, (and I’ll sound really shallow for this), I’m liking the hand movements for ‘…time is ticking’. Classic.

Sibel: I’m liking this more and more, so it could well be elevated shortly. It’s a toss-up between Sibel and Sanna, but credit goes to Sanna for sorting out her blonde locks and she deserves my loyalty as she keeps trying, poor gal.

Sanna Nielsen: Well, it’s a classic, she sings it fantastically and the poker-straight hair and awful fringe has gone! What more to be said?! Just please, Sanna, dress up for Globen, won’t you?!

Linda Bengtzing: I simply can’t split it between these two absolute divas, but I have a feeling Charlotte will clinch it…

Charlotte Perrelli: we’ve said it before, this girl has it all. As does Linda, but hers isn’t in English…will this be the downfall?

BTW, has anyone else seen the video for Linda's song? It is not very appropriate..lots of lovely holiday-style shots of Havana and brooding, smouldering latin type hunks. Normally that kind of thing is fine by me, but it is a far cry from the energy which the song generates..and where's that tartan gone...?

Andra Chansen Shock!

2008-03-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

I don't think anyone was expecting the frankly bizarre outcome of Saturday night's Andra Chansen. Although I wasn't overly concerned about who would be joining those already selected for Globen the following weekend, I did of course have my favourites from those left and only one of those managed to claw their way through, (the elfin Sibel - her of the impossibly fantastic cheekbones).

As I already said, in order to watch the show live, I had to stay up late, but this proved far less problematic than I first envisaged. A friend of mine also happened to be in Bangkok on a trip, and was familiar with the shenanegins which we call Melodifestivalen as she has other pals who have been known to attend the odd Schlagerparty etc. It was quite interesting to hear the views of a complete 'outsider', (and - shock - someone who didn't have a clue just who Carola Haggkvist was).

Lydia, our guest for the evening, was none too keen on E-Type and the Poodles. Not that she actually said as much, but the look of sheer disgust on her face during their set was enough to tell me exactly what she thought. Sibel was far more preferential, with Lydia commenting that she was a 'very pretty girl' and that the song suited her voice very well, (you see, Lydia is no bitch type who immediately puts down the pretty girls just because some may find them visually appealing...). The fight between Ola and Caracola was closer-run; Lyds immediately liked the girls - for their outfits as much as anything else - but found that Ola's effort grew on her. She suspected Ola might go through on the '(pre)-pubescent girls fancying the pants off him' ticket, (as was the case, methinks).

Not a fan of Nordman, Lydia was somewhat bemused by my enthusiasm for Johnson & Haggkvist. During the performance, she kept saying that the duo did not 'gel', that they 'really don't like eachother, do they?'. This was interesting, as it was something which became even more apparent to me during this second run. As much of a fan of good old Carola as I am, it really is only fair that this attempt didn't get any further than it did. It simply is not a great song, (I feel the duo's 'Lucky Star' is slightly better), and I just don't think there's enough - or any - chemistry between Andreas and the grande dame. With a good Melodifestivalen song, if you're not going to indulge us in choreography, wind machines, actually quite unnecessary dancers etc., then the song itself and it's vocal performance has to be strong enough to support it, and this just wasn't the case with One Love. Carola had obviously read my scathing comments on that nasty yellow dress from the first outing, and had changed her outfit, but I'm afraid its replacement wasn't great either - she needs to start lowering those hemlines! Having said all that, I really don't like Nordman, and am disappointed they managed to get through all the way to Globen. Now that Frida's Upp o Hoppa has frighteningly grown on me, (and after I was so scathing when she got through, too...! Oh well, I am a gay man and apparently we're notoriously fickle...), Nordman's set will be my 'toilet break moment' at Globen...

We lost Therese Andersson, which is a pity. Lydia was liking her outfit but couldn't quite make out whether she was singing in Swedish or English, (a little too much high-pitched warbling, I fear). Also a casualty was Suzzie Tapper, (is that Suzzie as in 'fuzzy'?) I never was a big fan, but was told by those with sufficient linguistic ability to understand, that it was a lyrically beautiful song...the possible 'sympathy vote' wasn't enough this time around, and even with the support of a flotilla of backing vocalists, I just don't think it's a track which carries anything great as a live performance.

So now it's just a few days to go! I am getting myself ready in earnest, preparing to jet off on Thursday replete with new outfit and secret Melodifestivalen accessory...just wait for the photos!...

2008-03-08T05:24:00.000-08:00

And here we are again, back in the crazy city of Bangkok! Yes, I was here just a few days ago, but my employers saw fit to make me traipse all the way down under and back rather than leave me on a little jolly here. How mean-spirited of them. Honestly...
I am completely worn out, but that is nothing unusual, and especially where these trips are concerned. My sleeping patterns are totally shot, but I'm not sure whether that is to do with massive time changes or the outcome of andra chansen playing on my mind. It is all very exciting, but if I am being honest, I am not all that bothered who gets through tonight's show. Of course, I'd love Androla to complete the line-up - that, for me, would be Melodifestivalen heaven - but my two favourites are already through, and that is all that matters.
By the way, I just realised I will have to stay up very late (early?) to watch the show on the SVT webfeed; Bangkok is seven hours on from UK time, so six hours from Stockholm, so that means it starts at 2.00AM Sunday morning here. But it will be worth it; I've already ordered a pizza, (sod the diet tonight!), there are some lovely beverages chilling in the in-room minifridge, and I'm simultaneously celebrating the completion of my Swedish suit, which is simply fabulous should be making an appearance at a Melodifestivalen Final near you shortly....

Halfway round the world...

2008-03-04T01:29:00.000-08:00

Who would have thought Bangkok could be such a short flight away? I say short, but these things are all relative. Our flight from London yesterday took a very brief ten hours, which when you think about it, was pretty quick, considering some flights to New York can take seven hours and that is just a little jump across the pond. So here I am, in the Thai capital, busily making preparations for various elements of this year's Melodifestivalen/Eurovision outfit. I am quite pleased with myself so far - though of course, I am yet to see any tangible, (tangiable? God, maybe that flight was longer than I thought), results of my efforts; these will be revealed in a few days' time, when I get back from my little tripette to the other side of the world, AKA Australia. Yes, from Bangkok we head down to Sydney for the night - as one does, being such jetsetting types as we are - then come back here, (because we miss it so), before returning to London. During that time, a hundred or so underpaid, overworked, sweat-shop type unfortunates will be hard at it, day and night, busily stitching and assembling, and stiching some more, (there are sequins involved, I warn you now), all in the name of making Eurotastic stand out from the crowd. Sometimes I seriously consider getting myself a little drag act going...you could get any outfit you could possibly want done for you here, with as many sequins, feathers and shiny accoutrements as you could possibly want..DQ eat your heart out. They are obviously very used to this, as there are also stilettoes available in the most gentlemanly of sizes. I know all about the Ladyboys here, but from the size of those babies, they could only accommodate feet of more generous proportions.

As if Mr. Björkman had been reading this blog personally, SVT very thoughtfully provided me with a nice and clear graphic which explains what will be going on in Andra Chansen, (see above). A little tardy of SVT though, as my blog friends had already told me all of this, hadn't you?

No apologies for the further pics of new best pals (but arch rivals) Linda Bengtzing and Charlotte Perrelli. Both simply fabulous gals with simply fabulous songs...

2008-03-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

Saturday 1st March 2008, the Harcourt Arms, London. Someone asks Eurotastic if he likes the entry chosen to represent the United Kingdom this year...

Eurotastic is THRILLED!

2008-03-02T02:32:00.000-08:00

Well folks, this is certainly what I wanted to see last night, though I didn't think it would actually happen. I found myself in the Harourt Arms in London for the fourth outing of this year's Melodifestivalen semis, and what a pleasant little place it is! Eurotastic will definitely be making further outings there, and not necessarily just for Schlagerfests.

All I have to say is, this result certainly makes up for all the effort I went through to get my tickets for the final this year. Support for Linda and Charlotte was strong in the pub, but it was definitely the appearance of Mrs. Pirrelli's diamanté microphone which set the place alight. I am just loving the complete package, the girl definitely has been doing her homework...Hero contains every possible classic MF element, neatly packed into a size-zero frame, (there was some gossip at the Harcourt about bullimia/anorexia...can't quite remember if they were referring to Charlotte, or Linda, or both). Long flowing locks, the fabulous diamanté mic, hugely revealing outfit complete with crippling heels, choreography in the classic euro-style, the Melodifestivalen wind machine putting in an appearance...could you ask for anything else?!

I am loving Linda's track, too, and more importantly, loving that razored bob she is now sporting...

Now, can some kind soul please tell me who is against who in andra chansen....? Because I think that dreadful durge from Nordman might well be up against good old Johnson & Haggkvist...can you imagine them not getting through? And what a night that would be in Globen...

Flashing a bit of thigh in Linköping!

2008-02-23T12:10:00.000-08:00

And so to round three. Godness, aren't the weeks just flying by?! Before we know it, we'll all be packing our bags and heading SAS-bound to Stockholm. How very exciting....

Being stuck in Philadelphia as I am, today's MF semi began at 2pm for me. This was rather handy, as it helped pass the time quite effectively. I did manage to venture outside for a little while earlier on, but the freezing wind blew me back inside almost as soon as I left the hotel. I somehow managed not to bring any kind of coat with me on this trip, which meant all I had was a vest and a jumper to protect me from the elements. I got as far as the local CVS, (a kind of Boots with a bit of Tesco thrown in for good measure), dodging the 'panhandlers' as I went, and returned just before my hands involuntarily detached themselves from my arms through frostbite.

Anyway, to the matter, ahem, in hand....

BWO: Lay Your Love On Me
Well it's very catchy, isn't it? I can just hear the million-and-one various club/dance/DJ mixes of this track, irrespective of how well it does in Globen. Credit must surely be given for managing to use the word 'bourgeoisie' in a prospective Eurovision song. The usual camping around the stage we have come to expect from Martin et al does at least make for a decent visual, and the audience lap it up. A deserved golden ticket for BWO, and one which I'll be looking forward to seeing live in Stockholm.

MICKEY HUSIC: Izdajice
The opening of Mickey's performance reminded me vaguely of Lejla by Hari Mata Hari, the Eurovision entry from Bosnia in 2006...appropriate enough, as this lad is apparently of the same extraction. Very dark, moody staging, only brightened up by the peroxide girl in the red dress on the cello. These eastern-Europeans do like their pained, gravelly vocals, don't they? You only need to look at last year's winner for proof of that. A wise move to switch to English part-way through, but it just wasn't enough to save what was essentially a bland nothingness. I do wonder how tracks like this make it through the initial stages; what was it about this thing which made it stand out, exactly? Perhaps the fact that it is (in part) sung in a minority language? Another flat finish to this track, which caught the audience off-guard a little.

FRIDA feat. HEADLINE: Upp o hoppa
I am thoroughly disgusted this got straight through to the final. No, I'm not going to mince my words here, boys and girls. Absolute tripe from start to finish. I get the feeling SVT felt they needed to inject something with a 'younger', more 'contemporary' feel, and this was the best they could come up with. It's a very, very frightening thing to contemplate...this actually winning... Very amateurish and frankly, rather embarrassing. And please, do explain what the hideous satin rainbow thing is that Frida was wearing..the girl is quite 'well-built', (I'm trying to be polite, honest), and as such should be doing all in her power to draw attention away from her more 'well-built' regions. This track has the feel (and sound) of something I might expect from an inner-city youth group attempting to break free from the socio-economic crisis they find themselves in. There is one positive in this thing getting through to Globen, however; it will provide me with a perfect opportunity for a 'bathroom break' mid-show. So not all bad.

THERESE ANDERSSON: When You Need Me
Before we go any further, I'm loving the writer-type young man in the reflective white shirt. Shame the camer didn't linger a little longer on that chap...
This kicked off with an atmospheric roll of thunder...not sure if it was meant to be part of the set, or if the weather was a little inclement in Linköping tonight. At least Therese had dressed for the occasion, with a pretty frock which revealed the first of tonight's upper thigh. Always worth flashing a bit of thigh, you simply can't go wrong, (unless your name is Frida, of course...gosh, the very thought...). Bonus points, obviously, for consistent use of the patented Melodifestivalen Wind Machine, (copyright, trademark, etc.) in association with flowing golden locks and random satin flags to flutter in the gale. Someone has obviously been doing their research into what makes a successful MF staging. A strong performance, and she managed even the high notes, which is commendable. I got vibes of Alenka Gotar, the warbler from Slovenia last year. She certainly deserved her place in Andra Chansen.

PATRIK ISAKSSON & BANDET: Under Mitt Tunna Skinn
Interesting to see the use of kitchen lino for this set..black-and-white checkered flooring made it look as though Patrik had called some of his pals over for a 'jam session' of sorts and the kitchen was the only room not already occupied... Something and nothing really, this one. Uninspiring, with no real 'hook' to make it memorable enough, especially after just one listen. I suspect Patrik survived round one of the voting on his popularity alone, poor lad.

CARACOLA: Smiling in Love
Well, this is more like it. Bright 70's minidresses, synchronised routines and botox-frozen smiles..exactly what Eurovision is all about, n'est-ce pas? Lyrically challenged, admittedly, but catchy nevertheless, these girls also displayed more than their fare share of thigh, and with pins like those, who can blame them? Slightly manufactured perhaps, but it got people up and dancing and is the kind of thing that seems to have been lacking this year so far. A shame they didn't get straight through to Stockholm, and they're up against Suzzie Tapper in Andra Chansen so it will be interesting to see what style of music the voters go for.

AINBUSK: Jag saknar dig ibland
This lot could have been Caracola's mums, on a determined 'anything you can do, we can do better' mission. More mature, and while no thigh was on display here, there were lots of bright frocks on show. Pink seemed to be the theme. Initially, the girls - women - looked a little lost and lonely spaced out across the stage, but soon joined up into a girly huddle remeniscent of a drunken last song at a karaoke bar. Quite a pleasant sound, really, but perhaps a little dated? I see Elisabeth Andreassen doing this in the early 90s, and doing it significantly better.

ESKOBAR: Hallelujah New World
This really lacked energy. It was like something one might expect from a rebellious student band; fine in principle, but poor in execution. The lead singer had difficulty fitting the lyrics to the music, which didn't help the somewhat lacklustre, unprofessional sound. Another 'non-event' of an ending to this one, which resulted in definite muted appreciation from the crowd.

So a night of mixed impressions. BWO should be good, but that dreadful Frida has a lot of explaining to do. Fear not, though, friends, as I do believe a certain Linda Bengtzing is popping up next week, and she could well turn out to be the saviour we all need...

Non-descript Philly

2008-02-23T02:30:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Philadelphia, one and all! It's rather - nay, VERY - cold in this part of the world, with snow on the ground and a distinct nip in the air. We got in quite late yesterday, which was fortunate for a number of reasons. First off, it meant I went straight to bed for a doze, (though I was up again four hours later...), I wasn't tempted to buy absolute rubbish from the likes of Target, Ross, Marshalls etc., (and regret it when I've caught up on a bit of sleep and my mind has regained its ability to distinguish between complete crap and potential quality), and lastly - but most importantly - it means pick-up today is late, too, and I can fit in round three of Melodifestivalen 2008 before I leave! Hurrah!
I have to say, I am not especially excited by any of the snippets I have heard of this week's entries. My crew will no doubt be quite relieved about this - it means I won't be humming/singing them during the long night flight back to Blighty - but I will reserve absolute judgement until I hear the full ditties...

Ding Ding! Round Two!

2008-02-17T03:38:00.000-08:00

Another weekend, another Melodifestivalen semi! I could happily carry on like this ad infinitum…it might impact a little on my social life, (‘Eurotastic, are you coming out to paint the town pink on Saturday?’ ‘Afraid not, it’s Melodifestivalen semi number thirty-four…’), but my job seems proficient at doing that already. I might even save myself some cash in the process, (a Saturday night in front of my laptop praying the SVT webfeed will work, accompanied by a bottle of duty-free instead of forking out inflated bar prices for a tipple or two)…

I am currently a few thousand miles away from Sverige, but only one hour ahead time-zone wise; yup, it’s sunny South Africa! I have to state first of all that I had not slept particularly well pre-MF last night, so was in yet another of my ‘tired and emotional’ states. This usually ends in tears - quite literally. I warn you, it doesn’t take much to set me off when I’m in one of these moods. Johannesburg isn’t my favourite destination in this part of the world – in fact, I suspect everyone prefers the prettier and considerably more glam Capetown – but it is an excellent outlet for some retail therapy, (toiletries and, I am reliably informed, various medications that might not be strictly allowed in the UK). At this time of the year, it’s also a great time to top up the tan. I looked frighteningly pale at the last Schlagerparty, so that needs to be rectified before Stockholm, (and with only a couple of vile US nightstops coming up, this is my last opportunity).

Last night, my crew were heading out for dinner and a few select beverages. Melodifestivalen gave me an excellent opportunity to opt out, preventing me from both eating far too much and ruining my diet, and drinking far too much and ruining my brain cells. The internet connection here isn’t that reliable but performed admirably for the duration of the show, thank goodness. So here are my thoughts…

OLA: Love in Stereo
Hmm, not sure about those bagpipes; a little too random gimmicky methinks. A solid performance of what feels like a debut solo track from a member of a 90s boyband. Not the most inspirational of choruses, with too many ‘woooahh’-type lyrics.

LASSE LINDH: Du behöver aldrig mer vara rädd
You know, this boy is just crying out to be mothered. Aah, bless. Rather shy and not particularly forthcoming, (except for the smacker he planted on that female co-host post-performance), this could have done with a bit more energy. It isn’t strictly necessary to have dancers/smoke/wind machines in your set, (though if I was on the MF selection panel, it most certainly would be), but if you choose not to then the song alone must be able to carry the performance. Just not strong enough.

THE NICOLE: Razborka
Well, the girl can always go and work for the European Union I suppose…there are few languages she doesn’t speak. I was reminded of Elin Lanto from last year; feisty blonde with suspect hair extensions, stomping around the MF stage attempting to slip rather risqué lyrics into the Eurovision fest: ‘you’re sweet, but you’re full of crap’. This line was the only redeeming feature of the whole thing, apart from the cossack dancers she whipped up - strangely appealing, (remember: I was tired and emotional).

ALEXANDER SCHOLD: Den Första Svalan
This lad was better than the teasing snippet we’d heard pre-MF had led me to believe. Rocky-poppy in a vague Busted way, his performance was quite solid, and it was nice to see a ‘band’ on-stage. Not going to set the world - or MF - alight, but harmless.

RONGEDAL: Just a Minute
Oh this was sooo blatantly Mika! Not that this is a bad thing; it’s a popular sound, and Rongedal perform it well. I had a sneaky suspicion I’d like this from the snippet we had beforehand. A strong vocal performance, and the red-suited twins put in a good show, (is it just these two? Are the other blokes in the SVT promo photo just a backing band?). A definite crowd-pleaser, it gets you up on your feet and singing along, and that is as good a justification for a place at Globen as any. One of the best of the night.

SANNA NIELSEN: Empty Room
Well, if I had my way, Sanna would have got her golden ticket purely on the basis of getting rid of that dreadful poker-straight hair and even more hideous straight fringe she had last year. I did like this; it was our first Sonja Alden for 2008. I do feel that Sanna could have dressed up a bit more for the performance; she looked like she was still in rehearsal garb. I suspect the intention was to pare everything down so it was the song which stood out. Fair enough – a brave thing to do, (and it quite obviously worked), but I think a proper frock, wind machines, (picture those blonde locks floating in the force ten gale!), and a touch of dry-ice smoke would be perfect! I also feel Sanna wandered around too much. However, she was vocally stunning. It’s a great song, and the reprise performance where she faltered a little got me a little weepy, (tired and emotional!), which can only be a good thing. Our first ballad, hurrah!

ANDRA GENERATIONEN: Kebabpizza Slivovitza
Oh how hideous. Not even good as a ‘novelty’ track. Very amateurish in delivery and staging. No disrespect to this (new) nation, but it is something I might expect as a debutant entry from Kosovo. The audience was not especially thrilled with this either. How on earth did it get through to the second stage of voting? I suspect a hefty amount of ex-pat support going on…

JOHNSON & HAGGKVIST: One Love
Yes, the most anticipated of the night. Did they keep the best for last? Initially I too was carried along on the ‘Carola wave’, simply thrilled she was here again. However, in retrospect, the song wasn’t as spectacular as we all wanted it to be – I’m hoping it will ‘grow’ on me – and the performance a little contrived, (not liking the subliminal ‘one’ and ‘love’ flashing up on the monitors behind the duo – enough to set off an epileptic fit). Carola’s yellow frock was plain nasty, though I am liking her hlighlights. It was good to see the return of the famous ‘Carola Quivering Bottom Lip’ (trademark, copyright etc.). Mr. Johnson seemed to be playing second fiddle for most of the set – it’s clear who wears the proverbial trousers in this partnership – but the duo sang well, and the crowd loved it. It pains me to say it, but it did not deserve a direct ticket to the final. I am sure it will get there eventually, once we have had a chance to hear it through a few times, (it better had – I am counting on seeing her at Globen!) In a vague masochistic way, it was hilarious to see the look on Carola's face when she didn't get straight through...

Bit of a more in-depth analysis there than last weekend – I was very studious this time round and made notes as I watched. Hey, it’s serious business after all….

One word: lukewarm...

2008-02-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

I don't really know why, but I can't help feeling that last night's Melodifestivalen here in Gothenburg was a bit of a letdown. Perhaps it was the inevitability of the winners, or the lack of atmosphere in the Scandinavium, or just the fact that there wasn't enough schlager for my liking. Anyway, from the top...

My hotel here is absolutely stunning, smack-bang in the centre and very swish - I have my own in-room 'mini-spa' with jacuzzi bath, (complete with Bulgari and Dr. Hauschka products, delightful!), plush furnishings, freebie wireless and trendy, designer-type stuff practically dripping off the walls, (though not literally, that would be a little too radical, even for me). I have a lovely 'juliet' balcony, (i.e. basically a french door with a safety rail), overlooking the city and a handy DVD player, on which I played my MF DVD from last year, to get me in the mood, (the hotel provides 'Fawlty Towers' on DVD - ironically brave and very tongue-in-cheek, n'est-ce pas? - and some James Bond film or other. Well, I suppose if it was raining outside, you could do worse than sit through the antics of Sybil and Basil et al.

The Scandinavium wasn't packed, but busy enough. My seat was a little too parallel to the stage so I didn't have a great view - it wasn't a top-price ticket, but the next-best, so I would have expected a little better. What I think was unfortunate for me was that I hadn't had a chance to hear the songs properly before the show, as part of the fun is seeing the performance of something you have already heard. This shouldn't be a problem in Stockholm, obviously, but as this was the first night of this year's run we had only been treated to little snippets of the tracks.

I have to say, I'm glad E-type & the Poodles didn't get an automatic 'golden ticket', as had been widely assumed. Theirs was a solid performance, but not a great song, (though I do admit, it'd not really my kind of music). The girls of Face-84 were nothing special, to be honest, and smacked of what they probably are, which is a girlie group quickly assembled for the sole purpose of entering Melodifestivalen. Now, Michael Michailoff is someone I have a soft spot for, (no, certainly not in that kind of way...far too much nose going on...ooh, miaow...). I quite liked his song from the snippet I had heard, and last night's performance was good, though Michael did occasionally seem a little inebriated on-stage. Brandur's mother very kindly had let him out for the evening, only for him to flop with a frankly bland track which I suspect - cynically, perhaps - was relying as much, if not more so, on his supposed good looks than any musical quality to bring the votes in, (but I bet his mother is still proud). Now, am I being cruel if I say that Suzzie Tapper got a little too many sympathy votes last night? The poor lady is suffering with Parkinson's disease, which is horribly debilitating I know, so all credit for putting in a good effort. However, it wasn't great, and robbed a place in andra chansen from Velvet, who should have got through to that stage at least. Deja Vu is what Melodifestivalen is all about; backing dancers with short hemlines but big hair, a great upbeat rhythm, both smoke and wind machines, and a performer whose womanly assets nearly made a surprise guest appearance. Love it. Also stealing some of the limelight were Amy Diamond - clad in a hideous lamé gold thing, vile - and good old (yes, I mean old) Christer Sjogren. Amy's track was lively and she performed well. It was really never in any doubt that she would get through to Globen, so the quality of her set was somewhat irrelevant. I just can't help feeling she has it made - the more mature audience vote for her because she looks cute and dances and smiles and has a little gap between her two front teeth, (what, are there no cosmetic dentists in Sweden?), and the youngsters simply want to emulate her. She's riding on the crest of the 'High School Musical' obsession of recent times. Just wait until Amy Diamond does an Amy Winehouse...we'll see just how cute that lamé thing is then. Christer has a fun song which has the terrible possibility of making it all the way; it's kitsch, it's tongue-in-cheek, it's probably ironic on some level and has girls with feathers a la DQ.

So there we have it, my assessment of last night's shenanegins. I was a very good boy post-show and didn't go out - in fact, I was back in my cosy hotel room by 11pm. I suspect Gothenburg's nightlife is somewhat sedate - though could be very wrong - and would rather save myself, (and my pennies!), for Stockholm next month.

Hurrah! I'm a passenger for once...

2008-02-08T22:25:00.000-08:00

..and not using any staff travel concessions or anything! I'm a proper person at last! Naturally, I have checked myself in to an emergency exit seat, as I believe it is my duty to do, being fully trained in getting unfortunate folk off an aircraft post-disaster. It has absolutely nothing to do with my dreams of some hunky SAS crewmember asking me to put my bag in the overhead locker with a wink...

Well I'm busily getting ready for my flight to Gothenburg, while listening to the teasing snippets we've been allowed to hear of tonight's Melodifestivalen ditties. There are one or two I am liking, but more importantly I am pleased to hear that Schlager is not dead but is still alive and well in MF-land. Good news indeed. That Amy Diamond - who, for some reason, I really want to dislike, (it's the precocious kid thing, I suspect, even though she may well not be like that at all), isn't half bad. And Velvet are definite contenders...

Commando in New York

2008-02-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

Well, it just goes to show you, there is absolutely no accounting for taste! As I have already explained, my airline saw fit to leave me without a suitcase for the third time of late during my trip to New York. This is not overly problematic - at least in the Big Apple it is possible to purchase essentials, (try doing that in Tanzania!) - but necessitated some handwashing of ones' more intimate articles so I had some clean pants for the return flight. Having done said washing, I realised I'd have to hit the streets 'commando', as it were, to get the various shopping bits and pieces I had promised friends and family back home. So there I was, in my uniform suit and a cheap 'I [heart] NY' T-shirt - and nothing else - when a young man saw fit to approach me to try and get my support for some gay rights group or other. All very laudable, and I think the young man - Chris was his name - was quite impressed by my knowledge of US politics and the like, ('you know more than the average American', was his exact comment). Having discussed the sheer backward-ness of some of the less fortunate states of the United States, he then wondered if I was free this evening? Good grief, I was looking the most hideous I have done for a long time and a pleasant young man wanted me to go on a date with him?! Ordinarily, I would not have dared even leave the hotel lobby in such a state! Well, I suppose I should take it as a compliment. However, the whole incident did lead me to conclude that I must look like a homosexual whatever I clad myself up in...

It's up to you...

2008-02-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

Well, first things first: I lied. In my previous post, I told you that I would in all likelihood NOT be going to the London Schlagerparty. This was a total mistruth. I went, and managed to drag along two pals with me. If you were present, I was the blondie in the blue and yellow get up, probably a little too tipsy and wailing a little too loudly along to the tunes. But it was sincerely fabulous, (from what I can remember), and photographic evidence of this can be found on the appropriate Facebook page...

I write this morning from a rather compact - no, let's call it bijoux - hotel room in the Big Apple. This trip held so many prospects but so far has failed on every count. My airline yet again cocked up all my travel plans so for the third time in six months I was left to hotfoot it across the pond with no luggage. No clothes, no toiletries, (AKA 'products'), no nothing. So arriving at nearly midnight last night, I nipped round the corner to the highly dubious 24hr Duane Reade and clobbered together some bits and pieces which I hope will see me though. I have decided to be ironic and got myself an 'I [heart] NY' T-shirt to wear today. I do hope the good folk of the city get the ironic intention, and don't think I'm just some awful tourist of Eastern European extraction or something...

I am looking forward, however, to Gothenburg on Saturday and the first of this years' Melodifestivalen outings. All very exciting. Also on the positive news front, I have secured my tickets to this year's Eurovision Song Contest in Belgrade...I have a feeling it might all be a bit of a disappointment this year - very few of this years' ditties released so far are failing to appeal to me - but you never know. After all, MF has yet to begin and the Beeb have yet to launch MYMU on us, on March 1st...

Anyone else heading to Gothenburg this weekend, do get in touch..I am rarher unfamiliar with the place and it would be nice to see some familiar faces should I decide to party post-Scandinavium...

Tokyo Hotel

2008-01-30T11:14:00.000-08:00

Well, not strictly Tokyo, but good old Narita-shi, the town whose very existence depends on the international airport down the road. It's a Japanese Hounslow, or Crawley, of sorts, for those familiar with Heathrow and Gatwick. The enterprising Japanese of Narita (-shi; it's optional), have of late created numerous bars and establishments specifically designed with airline crew in mind, so there's plenty to occupy oneself with, (but only really if you like excessive drinking, and/or karaoke, and/or buying total rubbish in multiple from the hyaku yen shop, i.e. the 50p shop). I have been known in the past to take to the stage and do a quick rendition of Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi, (not necessarily my favourite, you understand, but the only Eurovision title on the books in the karaoke bars...not because they want to cater to the tastes of inebriated homosexuals, but because Celine Dion once sang it, apparently). It always goes down well with the boys and girls of Swiss International Airlines and thereafter, we all seem to unite as Europeans in this distinctly un-European of places.

Now, for the bad news. I am formally revoking my RSVP for this Friday's London Schlagerparty. It's not through choice, I really do want to go, but things have conspired against me to prevent the outing..financial constraints, time constraints, flathunting...etc. etc. If I have a change of heart you might see me there but it will NOT be dressed as I had intended to go and I will look pretty awful, (nothing flashy in my suitcase, plus will be seriously fatigued only having arrived back from Japan that morning...one drink and I'll be anybody's!) Though I am very disappointed, I will reamin positive and will look forward to my first trip to Sweden instead...

Desert Storm

2008-01-15T02:35:00.000-08:00

I find myself this morning in yet another rather unexciting city in the good old U S of A. This, my friends, is Phoenix, Arizona. Yes, I'm stuck in the desert. I know, I know; Dear Eurotastic, what on earth is one as glam as yourself doing there?, you are asking. Well, believe me, it sincerely is not through choice. The somewhat androgynous unfortunate at immigration was so determined to get me in to the country that when he/she/it had difficulties getting my fingerprint scan on his/her/its litte machine, he/she/it pressed my forefinger down so hard it took on a vague purplish hue and began to hurt quite a bit. You see how desperate they are for anything even remotely unconventional? Anyway, since this so-called 'city' is to be my home for the next three days, I am going to make the best of it and enjoy listening to my ipod tunes while watching the tumbleweeds roll past as I sit on my balcony.

Good news then, on the Carola and Andreas front. Or, as apparently they wish to be known henceforth, Johnson & Häggkvist, (yes, it does sound like a Stockholm solicitors practice). I am very excited. Do we expect this duo to run away with it? Well, possibly. There are other strong contenders in the line-up, (including, of course, another former Eurovision winner, Ms Perrelli/Nilsson/I-Choose-My-Surname-Depending-On-Whichever-Will-Boost-My-Profile-Further). But, and I may be being controversial here, I have a sneaky suspicion that Charlotte might sink without a trace unless the song can match up to her 1999 success, (who really won that one for Sweden...the song, or the singer?). Those interested in hearing how Johnson & Häggkvist may sound can have a listen to their initial duet on www.carolainternational.com or download the track from www.cdon.com.

Well I'm off to get some sleep now - it's 4am here, a thoroughly vile time to be up - and have a listen to some ditties from Amy Diamond, since it is she I will be seeing in Göteborg shortly...

Carola and Andreas: YES PLEASE!!

2008-01-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

Ooh what a great combo it could be for a wildcard... Carola and Andreas duetting would surely run away with the golden ticket, wouldn't they?! To be honest, if they do turn up and reach the final on March 15th, it would at least justify all the palaver I went through to get my ticket for the thing, (and might make my spare ticket all the more enticing...!)

(Sweet Dreams My) L-A-X!

2008-01-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

Greetings one and all from La La Land, AKA Los Angeles. The City of Angels, or so they say. Mind you, judging by the folk wandering aimlessly through the aisles of the Wal-Mart round the corner, those angels sure don't live round this neighbourhood. Nothing but unfortunate souls who have overeaten/overdosed/over-applied-cheap-makeup etc. I found it all rather depressing yesterday as I hunted for a few basic essentials post-flight. Still, after a fantastic nights' sleep in my Westin (TM) Heavenly Bed (TM), and following a great shower under my Westin (TM) Heavenly Shower, (TM), I'm in a very good mood and ready for a chilled day wandering along Ocean Drive, (yes, the very same one that the Lighthouse Family crooned about mid-90s), and squaring up to the Latino Ladies in Ross (Dress For Less) over the bargains, (or not).
I have adopted the Slim-Fast plan. It's horrible but at least it gives me some kind of structured diet programme, and there are quite a few 'dining' options available which fit in with my up-in-the-air lifestyle. This means I can take such delights as a Caramel Crispy Peanut bar on a flight with me and sustain myself for 11 hours solely on this culinary delight. I am quite proud of myself as yesterday I was working in First class and had a multitide of temptations in front of me but resisted them all. The flight back will be the real test, though, as being a night sector you get rather bored and find yourself nibbling on everything and anything, and before you've finished flicking disinterestedly through the latest Hello! magazine you've wolfed down half a box of chocolates and the majority of the breakfast service. Ugh, quite vile.
I am rather excited as I have just changed my accommodation arrangements for this years' initial MF outing to Gothenburg. I'm now going to a rather swanky-sounding new design hotel which has in-room mini-spas and carries Bulgari products in the bathrooms. Actually, there's a Swedish girl on my crew at the moment. When I told her all about my very Swedish spring she was very pleased I was going to Sweden but rolled her eyes when I told her why. 'You boys and your schlager!' was her response. Hmm, don't know really what to make of that. But she did say that Gothenburg was a very beautiful city and it would be very, very cold so make sure I wrap up warm.
Usually, of course, I would now head off to investigate the Westin (TM) Heavely Breakfast (TM), but I've just munched on my first 'meal' of the day so that's out of the window. Hope this works, I'm getting fed up already....though not literally, believe me.....

New Year in Sao Paulo!

2007-12-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

Oh sometimes, the Gods do indeed smile down fondly at me, (I emphasise the sometimes). I am all in a fluster, getting myself prepared for my fabulous New Years trip to Sao Paulo in Brazil!
I will be in the city for the parade which welcomes in 2008, and I vaguely remember reading somewhere that it is the 'done thing' to wear white...so, yesterday, I rushed to the sales and actually managed to find everything I needed in the one store, (everything apart, that is, from the white feather boa which obviously is a necessity). So now I am all ready to roll and looking forward to the party! I am hoping that my crew is similiarly-minded, but if not, I shall make merry myself, along with as many hunky Brazilians as I can attach myself to, (figuratively-speaking, of course).
I am also excited as the MF season rapidly approaches. I will be attending my first Schlagerparty in London in February, which is very exciting, so if anyone else is going along, do let me know. It would be nice to get to know some like-minded folk. And then on to Gothenburg...and Stockholm....(spare ticket for that little event still going BTW...)

Wishing you all a fantastic 2008. Take care, hug the one(s) you love and enjoy yourselves!

Shalom, My Friends!

2007-12-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

Well, for those of you who were waiting with baited breath, I was called out from standby on Christmas day. I had grown quite acquainted with my little room in the hotel, and it was rather pleasant doing absolutely nothing all day but lie in bed and watch purile tripe on TV while munching my way through one-and-a-half boxes of After Eights, (I didn't manage the other half as the blighters from work called me). So a big and hugely sarcastic thank-you to the inconsiderate souls who decided to call in sick and make me go to work at 9pm on Christmas day...
I am, of course, in Tel Aviv. It's a familiar stomping ground for me; a second home, of sorts. There are few benefits to the trip really - nothing against the place at all, it's just that as a trip it's worth nil financially and I could do with a bit of cash this time of year. Once I had recovered from the trauma of organising 96 special Kosher meals the flight went reasonably well and we arrived this morning rather unusually upbeat. The lovely young man at reception informed me, with rather perculiar delight, that he'd given me a room with a balcony and a sea view and one which apparently is a 'BBC room'. These rooms are so called because they are frequently used by reporters from the Beeb when there's some political activity/crisis/war, (etc.), going on in Israel, as they have lovely city and sea views which the people off the telly can alternate from broadcast to broadcast. So it is on said BBC balcony that I am composing this missive.
There is a certain plus point in coming to Tel Aviv, however, and that lies in the Tower Records store up the road. I pay a visit every time I turn up here, (so that's practically every week) and have a snoot round for anything new and Eurovisionary. I do have difficulty with the CD cases as, of course, Hebrew reads from right to left and I am constantly opening the things upside-down-back-to-front. Today my visit was rather successful, as another very pleasant young man was very attentive and asked if he could help. This was a bonus as I was a little 'tired and emotional' and was having difficulty scanning the CD covers for familiar faces. He managed to locate me a few CDs and we even had a little singalong to Israeli entries from the past. The young man was most impressed when I told him I had been in Birmingham to witness Dana International's victory...
So it's back to London tomorrow, and I still have no idea what I'm doing for New Years. However, I really must buckle down (quite literally) on a fitness reigime so I look vaguely appealing for the 2008 Euro season....

...and the rest of the 2008 line-up...

2007-12-11T03:10:00.000-08:00

OH Eurotastic is SOOOO excited now. At last, some familiar faces, including one or two of my favourites...I'd love to be in Karlskrona in March, imagine the battle that lies ahead of us with Linda and Charlotte in direct competition...

23.02.2008 - Linköping
01. Mickey Huskić - Izdajice
02. Ainbusk - Jag saknar dig ibland
03. BWO - Lay Your Love On Me
04. Caracola - Smiling In Love
05. Patrik Isaksson - Under mitt tunna skinn
06. Frida - Upp o hoppa
07. Thérèse Andersson - When You Need Me

01.03.2008 - Karlskrona
01. Charlotte Perrelli - Hero
02. Linda Bengtzing - Hur svårt kan d va
03. Nordman - I lågornas sken
04. Calaisa - If I Could
05. Fronda - Ingen mår så bra som jag
06. Daniel Mitsogiannis - Pame
07. Sibel - That Is Where I’ll Go

Oh gosh, for a moment there I almost forgot I have a plane to catch...on with the uniform!

Melodifestivalen 2008: First Performers announced!

2007-12-10T03:10:00.001-08:00

Here's the link to the press conference. Not exactly thrilling viewing so don't think you might be missing anything by not taking a gander!

http://svt.se/svt/road/Classic/shared/mediacenter/index.jsp?&d=63007&a=941643&lid=puff_826846&lpos=extra_0

For those who may have some difficulty understanding it all, or who are put off absorbing all the information by that lady wielding a very dangerous-looking letter-opener...:

09.02.2008 - Göteborg Semifinalists
01. Brandur - Lullaby
02. Christer Sjögren - I love Europe
03. E-type & The Poodles - Line of fire
04. Face 84 - Alla Gamla X
05. Michael Michailoff - That's love
06. Suzzie Tapper - Visst finss Mirakel
07. Velvet - Déjà vu

16.02.2008 - Västerås Semifinalists
01. Aleksander Schöld - Den Första Svalan
02. Andra Generationen - Kebabpizza Shlivovitza
03. Lasse Lindh - Du behöver aldrig mer vara rädd
04. Ola - Love in stereo
05. Rongedal - Just a minute
06. Sanna Nielsen - Empty room
07. The Nicole - Razborka

Another trip, another continent...

2007-12-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

Today I find myself in Hong Kong. Noise, pollution, far too many people, a myriad of shopping/nightlife opportunities...how much better can it get?!
This is my last rostered trip before Christmas, so I shall be making the most of said shopping opportunities to get all my presents bought in good time. Not that I shall be forgetting myself, oh no...I am sure I'll be getting one or two things to complement my globetrotting lifestyle...

I have to mention a little outing I made recently when actually in the UK for more than a day or two. I went to see a friend strut his stuff in panto. The young man has been so dedicated to the show since September, and I was promised a good night. As the show was being performed by the entertainements society connected to my airline, how could they resist doing their very own 'Flying the Flag' routine? What a good job, boys and girls, you did us proud. Brought back fond memories of Helsinki, though it has to be said the outfits were not as good as my own, (now gathering dust in the wardrobe...though I hear Scooch are making an appearance at some new years' bash in Brum...anyone want to borrow it for the evening..?!)

My plans to move back to blighty are gathering momentum...well, I'm actively househunting, anyway. I have quite a bit of spare time on my hands now as I'm not working again until Christmas Eve, (when I begin standby, which probably means I'll be stuck somewhere thoroughly horrific for the Festive season), so I realy have no excuse. Hopefully I'll be moving just before MF in Gothenburg, so if any of you should spot me there, do forgive me if I am tired/emotional/frazzled etc.

Oh how exciting...the names of our first MF 2008 performers are being released shortly. I shall expect a thorough assessment from you all, naturally. Oh, that reminds me, I have just heard a rather bizarre remix of Anna Vissi's song from the Greek national final of 2006, 'Who Cares About Love?'. It is a little naughty - a smattering of expletives - so I shan't post it on here, but anyone interested in hearing this can get in touch should they wish to add it to their playlists.

The (not so) Big, (quite bruised), Apple!

2007-11-30T07:29:00.000-08:00

I'd love to be able to tell you I'm currently sitting on my bed on the eightieth floor of a swanky Manhattan upscale hotel, gazing out over the skyline that has made - and broken - a million dreams.
Honestly, I would.
The truth, however, is quite different, as I am sitting in a somewhat non-descript hotel belonging to one of the major U.S. hotel chains, in New Jersey of all places. You see, although Newark is often touted as an alternative access point to New York, (being actually closer to the City and easier to navigate and indeed, a whole lot less hassle than JFK), it means that I end up staying in the greater Newark area for my time here instead of in a nice monolith in Manhattan. Oh well, thems the breaks.
Still, I have my MF 2007 DVD to keep me company. I had resisted getting the thing for a long time but eventually succumbed and am glad I did, for I think it might keep me occupied during this six-day trip, (hey, I'm off across the border on Sunday, to Canada...must remember to bring some woolies, it's always chilly there I find..).
I have resolved not to go shopping during my time in the US as I did far too much of that little activity in San Francisco. Anyway - and this is meant as no direct criticism of the local tastes - I suspect there would be little of interest in the various 'boutiques' in the vicinity. I hear there's a Marshalls down the road...they're always good for stocking up on underwear, so I might wander down if I can be bothered to leave my hotel room. For the uninitiated, Marshalls is akin to TK Maxx, only a very poor relation, (the kind you would rather die than admit to any familial link with). The stock is invariably made up of oversized garments and questionable homewares but occasionally there is the odd gem and it's always worth a visit for the fascinating view on local society, if nothing else.
I think Sweden this spring/summer is going to be the place to be. I encourage any of you with the inclination to point your browser, (oh, the innuendo, loving it!), to www.diggiloo.com and explore around that a little. A positive schlagerfest awaits. Do persevere as during my visit round the site I lisited to a rather breathy Linda Bengtzing perform a live Jag Ljuger Så Bra, among others. I say, let's organise a big excursion!

Moving On...

2007-11-26T07:53:00.000-08:00

I am currently in my 'real' home, my apartment in the lovely city of Sevilla, Spain. I'm afraid to say, it won't be my 'real' home for much longer...I'm going to move back to the UK. I honestly never thought I'd find myself saying that. Three years ago when I moved over here, I envisaged a fantastic relaxed life, happily commuting to and from London for my flying duties and with a lovely Spanish boyfriend waiting to greet me on my return. However, while I've certainly appreciated my time here, things haven't worked out as I had hoped, hence my decision to leave. It's a lovely city and there's a lot I will miss. I have leaned another language and experienced a lot - both good and not-so-good. But I'm getting worn out commuting, it's costing me a fortune and I have a sneaky feeling that there's a brighter future awaiting me back in Blighty...plus moving to London means I can attend the Schlager parties which I have up to now missed out on!
I hear that Ace of Base have confirmed that they will not be doing the Melodifestivalen 'thing' this time around. I can't say I'm disappointed. Yes, I suppose I did have a certain fondness for such classics as 'The Sign', 'Always Have, always Will' etc. back around the time of my G.C.S.E.s, if I recall. Problem was, the majority of their tracks all sounded the same. That's not always a bad thing, but I just had a feeling we'd be getting a 1994 flashback from the Base boys and girls if they cropped up in MF 2008. Tension is mounting, however, as we will shortly all find out the names of the performers we'll be seeing next spring. I have a few I'd like to see in the lineup but suspect it might be a year for unknowns...which could go either way, really....

Linda Bengtzing: Unrecognised Fabulousness!

2007-11-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

I've been playing lots of Linda Bengtzing as I wandered round San Fran today, doing my bit for the local economy by parting with a hefty amount of cash, (but I did pick up a lovely Armani number at a bargainous price, and felt very smug about it!). I do hope we see Linda in MF 2008. Alla Flickor and Jag Ljuger Så Bra: pure Schlager genius.

Reasons to celebrate!

2007-11-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

Greetings from the rather fabulous San Francisco!

San Fran is something of a rarity, for it is somewhere I come back to again and again and it never disappoints. I have been looking forward to this trip for a while, as not only is it a great place but it spelled the end of my run as African Queen. Hurrah, no more trips 'down there' for a while, (crossing fingers I don't get stuck on that continent for Christmas....). I am readying myself for a great day of shopping. Everything is nice and festive but in a tasteful way, what with both Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up soon.

So that was reason one to celebrate. Reason two: I managed to secure some annual leave for my Gothenburg mini-break in February. So now I have my tickets, my flights, my leave and a hotel is booked, (though I have a few other accommodation options...decisions, decisions!) I'm very much looking forward to all my little jaunts to Sweden next year, it should be fun. Now I await the announcement of the performers for this years' MF songs...I am deliberately ignoring all rumours and speculation as this invariably gets me excited/disappointed and anyway, there may be a stunning little number from a complete unknown to look forward to. Plans are afoot for a new MF outfit which will ensure I stand out from the crowd in Globen, (I'll be saving it for the final....but fear not, I will still make an effort for Gothenburg).

Reason three: My suitcase made it with me on this trip, so I am now resplendent with all my toiletries, (henceforth known as 'products').

So all in, I'm quite upbeat today. Sending good vibes and karma to one and all...

Naked in Dar-Es-Salaam!

2007-11-11T06:04:00.000-08:00

Well I find myself in Tanzania with nothing to wear and nothing to...well, nothing at all actually. My airline has seen fit to send my luggage astray so I arrived this morning with only the uniform I was wearing. I have been out for a quick jaunt round the local boutique and came back with precisely zilch, apart form a few basic toiletries, (oh, my products, how I miss you so..). Not even a sarong, khaftan or the like.
Battery is dying on this thing, (guess what? Charger is in the case!) so more to follow. Pray for me kind souls....!!

Oh you naughty boys...OK, I'm going...

2007-11-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

I could pretend that I am not so easily led, but to be honest, it took very littler persuasion...
I have just this minute booked my Gothenburg mini-break for February. Oh what a busy jetsetter type I'm going to be next spring. Yes, I am something of a jetsetter type anyway, but what makes this far more important is that it is not for work, is within Europe and for once, I'm choosing where I am going! Right, now I need to gen up on the place. I will be appearing for one night only, (all I can chance leave-wise from work), so all information gratefully received...
I am off to somewhere or other in Africa (again) tomorrow. Oh yes, Dar-Es-Salaam in Tanzania. You see, I really go get all the glam places. Fortunately, I am now much buoyed by my future plans and will be armed with both laptop and ipod, so I am sure I'll be able to use my time productively. I am on a vague health-kick at the moment, but try as I may, I simply cannot summon up the courage to actually visit a gym. It is very much a big part of the trolley-dolley culture and a major moot-point when packing for trips, ('should I pack my gym stuff?'), but not where I am concerned. Instead, I make sure I am fully-stocked music-wise and dance around my room to tone up. Occasionally I sing along too, but I like to make sure there isn't another crewmember in the room next door in case I should disturb them and get a right royal telling off at pick-up, (oh, the shame, etc.)
Right, must get the uniform ready...

MF quandry...

2007-11-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

Hmm, decisions, decisions....
I am already a very happy bunny MF-wise, as I am fortunate enough to have a ticket for the final in March. But I am now thinking it might also be nice to have a little mini-break excursion to Gothenburg in February...I've never been, and hear quite good things...I've been pricing it all up and it wouldn't necessarily be extortionate. Am I just being greedy? And if I am, is that so wrong...?

Arrrrribbbba Arrrrrribbbba!

2007-11-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, in case you hadn't deduced from the innovative title, I'm in Mexico. I got in last night and then spent the best part of an hour looking for the handy - or so I thought - supermarket I found last time I was here. This resulted in me wandering round the less-than-salubrious streets of Mexico city, still in uniform, (as quite frankly I couldn't be bothered to change just to 'nip' to the shop), in the dark on a Friday night, occasionally being harrassed by trick or treating kids. Not good.
This morning I am indulging in a little MF 2007 review, making the most of youtube while it is still working properly. Oh, how the memories come flooding back. Mind you, I was more than a little disturbed at the outfit Sebastian chose to wear, and can't quite recall why I wasn't more disturned at the time, (though suspect a few beverages of the alcoholic variety might have cluded my judgement somwwhat). Are those red leggings or just ultra-super-skinny jean things? Still, he looks more attractive physically than I remember.
It is something of a bonus coming to Mexico on a weekend, as: (a), the US embassy right across the street isn't open so I don't have to watch the lines of Mexicans queuing up for visas, which I find quite depressing, and, (b) Zona Rosa, the gay hub of Mexico City, is right across the road so should the whim take me I might pop out tonight.
Ah, good old Sarah Dawn Finer...I'm liking a track I heard recently by the girl, 'Stockholm by Morning'. It gets me kind of whistful I suppose. Check it out, it's on itunes. Not particularly schlager but a good one nonetheless. And as for Anna Book, I do remember not taking the slightest bit of notice of her, keeping my eyes firly fixed on the lovely little dancer man. Yum.

What this is really all about...

2007-10-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

We didn't get off on a good footing really, did we? I just realised that my first post had absolutely nothing to do with what this bog is really supposed to be about. That just shows you how zonked I must have been. You'll all be simply delighted to know I survived the flight home quite well and I managed not to snap at anyone, despite my exhaustion. Sometimes I really do surprise myself.

Well, 'The Season', as I call it, (using capital letters underlines its gravitas), began officially for me on October 18th. I had something of a false start some weeks earlier, on October 5th. It had been rumoured that ticnet.se would be releasing tickets for Melodifestivalen 2008 at 9.00am CET that morning, and I was stuck on the other side of the equator in Johannesburg. Fortunately, though Jo'burg, (as it is affectionately - or not - known), is so far away, it was in the same time zone as Stockholm so I didn't have too many problems waking up and setting the laptop. As many of you will know - because I am sure many of you were doing the same at the same time - the tickets were nowhere to be found and so we all went back to bed/off to work/ring in sick bitterly disappointed.

October 18th started off in a similar vein, except this time I was ended up in the Starbucks at Manchester Piccadilly railway station at an ungodly hour in order to make use of their wireless hotspot, under the guise of sipping a Frappuccino, (copyright, etc. etc.) My wireless was experiencing difficulties and the thought of missing out on tickets just because it had decided to throw another wobbly that morning was too much to bear. So I joined the crowds of weary and bleary-eyed commuters, (and thanked my lucky stars I don't work 9-5). Constant refreshes of the ticnet site later, and I was placed in a queue just to enter, with a helpful-but-annoying coundown type thing telling me how long I might have to wait. Oh, the frustration! I had a horrible feeling that once I had been granted admission, all the tickets would have gone and I'd be spending the evening of March 15th shivering and in floods of tears on the wrong side of the doors to Globen. Anyway, to cut the story short, I got my prize...and then some. I have inadvertantly ordered more tickets than I need, which actually might prove rather useful. When funds start running low and I need a topup, a little visit to ebay might do the trick...

So now I can breathe a huge sigh of relief. I had already booked the flights and hotel so now I can simply look forward to all the rumour and debate to follow. Who will be singing what? Will Sanna Nielsen have ditched that dreadful fringe? Can anyone replace Måns Zelmerlöw (married? What a waste!) as the hottest thing ever to grace the MF stage? And what on earth am I going to wear this year? I am thinking something extraordinary...I am thinking Carola tribute...I am thinking 1991 Peter Pan replica....someone stop me...

Sleep Deprivation in Zambia...

2007-10-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

Well it's 01:33am and I'm wide awake in Lusaka, the capital of Zambia. Yup, I realise that I am lucky to be paid to visit far-flung, glamourous and exciting places. But on the flipside, I also get paid to visit Lusaka et al, which although far-flung, (a ten hour flight is far enough, especially on the delightful Boeing 767), is neither glam nor exciting. I have been here for three days now and will be leaving later this morning, thank the dear Lord almighty, UK-bound. I don't do sun or animals, which is something of a problem here, as the only means of entertaining oneself seem to be sunbathing, (not with my fair complexion!), and heading into the wilds of beyond on safari. The day after I arrived, I visited the local orphanage to say hello to the children, and knew I shouldn't have; I get very tearful after such experiences - which I blame on a combination of hormones, sleep-deprivation and a sense of social injustice and inequality - and couldn't get the faces of the poor kids out of my mind. I say poor, but in fact they are looked after tremendously well by an order of Polish nuns who provide lots of love and TLC along with a safe, comfortable home. It was the little babies who set me off, and the toddlers who won't let you go and burst into tears when the time comes to leave. Definitely puts my somewhat frivolous existance into perspective... www.kasisichildren.org